Prayer Requests?

I won't be praying these on this blog, but for a private prayer project. Thanks for your input :D you can email me from my profile or at confessmysoul at gmail dot com. (not that you're telling me your sins, it was a blog email from a now defunct blog on another site.) I won't be outing your prayer requests on the internet.

Nicholas

On Friday night I got a text from my pastor's wife that he had been called out to perform chaplain duties for the local fire department. An 18 month old had been found at his daycare unconscious and without vital signs. He was taken to a local hospital and they did manage to get a heartbeat and blood pressure,though he did not regain consciousness,he was transported to the Children's Hospital and there he was placed on life support. When he didn't regain brain function by Saturday morning, his parents took him off life support and he passed away.

Dear Lord, I don't know your will in a situation like this. I pray for Nicolas' parents April and Brian, that you will give them comfort. Surround them with people who will take care of them. I can't pretend to know the depth of their loss, and my heart breaks for them. Thank you for Pastor Vince who ministers to people in times of crisis and loss.
Help us all to find solace in your sovereignty.
Amen

The Nursery

The Doll was mine, her name is Katie, the rest of the baby items are things we collect on whims. We really like frogs! (Jeremiah was a bullfrog after all!)

This is Luv Bunny, Bunny was a gift from my parents when they decided they were ready for grandchildren :D, that was five(ish) years ago. The little chair was mine as a child and I had it refinished a little while ago.

The circle frame has family pictures in it, and there are two spaces left for VIP's :D.

These lamps will be removed when baby is old enough to move around and pull them down, but for now they are much softer than overhead lights when you have to go in and comfort a crying baby. My auntie made the pillow for me when I was little.

Even Abbey Cat is interested in the baby's room!

I suppose if we get a boy, we'll want to boy up the room, but for now it's comfortable and the color of green is so soothing that we often go in there and hang out. I pray in there once a week or so, and the cat really likes the glider! And that table is going to be replaced by a bookshelf as soon as I relocate the books!

Not So “Cruel” Summer :D

 

When I was younger I used to pine for summer. WHEN? WHAT? WHO? WHERE? And most importantly: HOW MUCH LONGER!? I still pine for sunny weather, especially now that I live in the cloud covered North West!

The last week or so has been really pretty, some days are warmer/sunnier than others but even the clouds didn't seem so gray this week, and my front lawn? Well, aside from the places where I missed when I was fertilizing, it is growing inches at a time, it's amazing! I spent hours hacking back the overgrown flowering ground cover, and pruning the dead branches from the bushes that got frozen last winter. I had a couple of really sad losses this season, two hybrid tea roses and a hybrid tea rose tree. The tree was really sad, it was a double delight and smelled and looked beautiful. The other two were pretty, but I really loved the tree, it was right outside my front door. I've found a couple websites that sell roses and I'm thinking about my order. I also want to get some Dahlia tubers for the back yard and maybe a couple of hibiscus bushes for the front yard if they won't die over the winter!

Next weekend we get to take care of a little friend for two days. I'm really excited! His parents are going to "The Weekend to Remember" which is a Family Life conference. They're new to the area, but have been going to our church for a while and we've taken care of little J in the nursery several times, once when he was not feeling very well. Anyway; his parents wanted to go, but didn't have child care for J, and my pastor recommended us! They're coming over for dinner on Monday just to get the details ironed out. Hopefully he's as good natured as he is in the Nursery!

Since all of our "Mom's" live in Portland, we're going to go there for Mother's Day. And we'll get to meet my little niece Absidy. It should be a nice weekend.

Then my mom and dad are coming up for a visit over Memorial Day. Jer is singing the song he wrote at church, and mom is going to help me do the mural border around the ceiling in the nursery. Have I ever shown a picture of our nursery? I'll do a nursery post next!

In June Jer and I will be going to Schroon Lake, New York to visit our friends. We'll be there for their son's third birthday and we're going to Chuck E. Cheese's to celebrate and then we're going to a bunch of historical places in upstate and in Vermont. But the best thing will be just hanging out with them. I've really missed them.

July 10^th is our tenth wedding anniversary!

And in September, we're going to Lake Chelan to Camp beside the lake again! I don't know what August will bring aside from my brother J's birthday, but maybe a weekend on the coast or something.

But you all know we'd drop anything if we got a special phone call.

Amber DuBois: Still Missing

I can't begin to fathom the devastation of having a child taken from you. It breaks my heart that this girl is still missing. The new official website is Bring Amber Home.

I was reading the messages that scroll across the top of the screen, and her mother mentioned that her "Amber" rose bush is about to bloom. I'm going to order one from Jackson and Perkins and plant it in her honor, right next to my favorite bush that smells like grapefruit.

 

Dear Heavenly Father,

You know what it is like to be separated from your child, please Lord, comfort Amber's parents. Help them to continue the search for their little girl. I pray that you will remain the glue that keeps them together and the constant support for Amber where ever she may be. Jesus, if she is with you right now, please allow her family to have closure. But most fervently the desire of my heart is that she is unharmed and will be home safe soon. Please Lord, let her be found healthy and that she will not be kept from her family any longer.

In your mighty name I pray,

Amen

It's a Beautiful Life

No, Seriously, it is!

When the sun comes out in the Pacific North West, in Wa especially, you've got to drink it up while you can! The grass is green and the flowers are beginning to bloom, unfortunately so is the Scotch Broom, which I've learned is my Asthma trigger! But it's under control this year thankfully!

Anyway, the sun is out, and it's light out until 7:30 and I have been at the gym or walking the dog or running around behind my lawn mower, so please don't take my absence on the blog as depression or sadness, I'm just out in God's creation while I can be. I often tell people that it isn't that it rains out here, it's that it so rarely "Suns" :D.

I have much to be thankful for, so much to pray about and a lot to tell you, and Saturday evening I promise to catch up with the blog as my Hubby will be out at a boys night and I plan to spend some quality time with my laptop, and go frame shopping.

So, love to all in blogland, and I'm happy living the beautiful spring life in Western Washington :D.

Finding Purpose in Struggle.

I wrote this in response to a friend who wrote to console me a little bit, and I ended up writing her a novel in response. I hope it isn't so disjointed that it's impossible to follow, because I'd feel bad for writing it to her! Sometimes my mind only processes things through the written word. And sometimes that doesn't come easily either.

Anyway I discovered that in many ways it could be written to many of you who faithfully pray for me, and for the families I ask you to keep in your prayers as well.



Dear__________________,(fill in your name here.)
I'm doing ok, I firmly beleive that these particular cases that I hear about prior to the viewing of adoptive family profiles need something from my prayers and that of my friends. That God specifically wants me to pray for them. Otherwise I have no idea why I would be informed of some people and not others. Many birthfamilies have viewed our profile without our prior knowlege, so I'm going with the idea that my prayer is somehow important for them, and that your prayers for them are important for them. I am in a sense involved in their journey regardless of my benefit from it. If anything I am becomming a person who is much more inclined to pray for others, with no claim on the outcome of those prayers. Praying unselfishly, for the benefit of others. I know that God cares about me, that He loves me, and I know He has someone special for me to parent and love. Perhaps there is an element selflessness that I need to learn in my prayerlife, my life and in my dealings with others. I do a lot of good things for people, but I don't always do them out of selflessness. I do it sometimes because it brings me happiness, and sometimes an overemphasized pride.

I don't mean to say that I am a terrible person or that I'm being punnished or anything like that, but that "God's Waitingroom" is a place to work on some of the ways I need to become more like Jesus. Not that there is a "level" to be reached, but an awareness. I have always been a confident person, but a lot of that comes with knowing I am smart enough, strong enough, brave enough etc... not that I have a vulnerable relationship with God. I know that in my own strength of abilities, I am determined enough to wait, but am I vulnerable enough in my relationship with God for Him to be my strength while I wait? I have to say that I am definately reaching my edge. There is not much left of my faith in my own strength. My heart is indeed broken, But my faith that God cares about me hasn't diminished. I do get angry with the lessons. I've never really LIKED being shown my shortcommings.(who does? But I am uniquely resistant to the fact that I CAN BE WRONG, and worse, that I may not know the answer to everything.) I kind of feel like taffy that's being pulled or bread being kneaded, I have to go through it so that the end product is of a proper flexibility to make a good bread or the perfect crown removing taffy. :D [She is a fellow dental professional which is why the crown thing is funny]

I said at the retreat that [she} spoke at a few years ago that I didn't think I had much of a testimony. Well, I think God took it as a challenge. Because I will have a tale of growth in the Lord to tell when this is all said and done. And then, I'll be ready to start the whole process over agian when we desire our second child! :D
I so appriciate your prayers for me, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart that you are sticking with me through this.

With deepest gratitude,[and I mean that to all of you]
Kelley

I've come to a decision

It's a decision on perspective and my need to change mine.

From now on, there will be no more what if this is the one. It's going to be "God wants me to pray for this situation, for these people and for their baby."
I will pray all the time for my baby to come into our lives, but when I hear about situations, it seems they need prayer, my prayer, your prayer and other people who pray for me on a regular basis. I'm going to go with the idea that the situations that I know about are not for me, but situations where the mother and father need some extra prayer support.

Let's just take my last two "known viewings" for example: C. was in a very difficult situation where the father of her child did not approve of an adoption plan. She chose us anyway. She needed something from me, and she and everyone else thought that was for us to be her parents. But instead, she really needed my fervent prayer for her benifit. For her to be a good mother if it was God's plan for her.

More recently B. Had not been to the Dr. AT ALL in her pregnancy, and I'm sure that caused her some anxiety. So, my prayer for a healthy baby and for her health were probably what she needed.

So, this is how I am going to take the situations I get called about. If one of them should work out to be "My" situation, AWESOME! But from now on, this is my possition, on my knees for this family. Not for me. I can pray for us anytime.

Am I crazy? Seriously, the statistics seem to add up. Every situation I've known about has had some sort of special prayer need. I'm sure they all will. But perhaps I'm being too selfish; and if not selfish; selfcentered.

What do you think? Crazy? Or am I on the right track?

Dear Lord,
Thank you for your trust in me as a woman of prayer. I accept this job, I will continue to pray with proper perspective.
Amen.

Update

So, I guess they showed her 13 profiles, which seems like far too many to my mind, how can you remember anyone after looking at 13? Anyway...It wasn't our turn yet. Thank you all so much for praying. I really feel that I'd be in much more emotional turmoil if it weren't for such wonderful "prayer cover".
I am dissappointed though, it seemed like everything we could want. But, what we need/want must have been different from what the birthfamily needed.
Again, thank you all for your prayers, You guys ROCK!

We just need to keep on keeping on!

Update

Just an FYI, Jer and I will probably not know anything until after the weekend. Our Adoption Specialist is out of Office until Monday due to the Easter Holiday!

I remember today that my Lord suffered and Died on a Roman Cross for my sins, and three days later was alive! Thank you so much Lord, for your willingness to die. And thank you God, for your sacrifice. And thank you for the empty tomb! Amen

Happy Easter Chicks!

Tomorrow

The demon of insomnia got me good last night. I had to do battle with Valarian root AND Unisom! Ehhh. I'm so excited, my sense of destiny is heavy right now. It always is when I know we're going to be shown. It's not so much that I always think this is it...but I feel like we're on the cusp of something every time. Like "Ships Passing in the night" you know, they could be *this* close! Is it silly to want to say *Ahoy!* Which means "I'm HERE!!!" It probably is silly.

Ahhh, spring

Thank GOD, Spring has sprung, at least for this weekend. The Pacific North West has been through one of the wettest winters on record, even last week we had a bit of snow. Eeeew.

Yesterday I spent four or five hours working in the yard, Four if you don't count the hour I spent mowing the lawn and fertilizing it, I don't because I LOVE my lawnmower and running around behind it! I cleaned up the rose bed and put down new compost on everything (Well everything that I'm serious about making look pretty, there are some parts of my yard that I just laugh at and knock down the overgrowth with my weed whacker.

I really enjoyed taking care of my little part of the world, but when I was done, everything hurt! OUCH! Praise the Lord, I am alive. I didn't want to wake up this morning, but I went to Sunday School and Church, and I got up early enough to go to starbucks and everything!

Now, I'm off to go pick up my geraniums and Fuchias from my co-worker's house and I'll plant my hanging basket! Nothing says Spring like planting annuals and whacking back perenials!

With Easter comming next week, the inlaws will be comming up here as well, since Jer has a big part in the Easter Program at church. He sang a Chris Tomlin song today and did awesome. I should post it here for you, he's such a good singer, but he gets a little nervous when he's on the platform.

Dear Lord,
Your world is so beautiful, there are signs of you everywhere. Your creation is still so amazing and I thoroughly enjoyed working in it this weekend. Thank you for the great weather! I look forward to the week ahead!
Amen

April 10

We're being shown next friday. Please pray!

*Edit*4-2-09

I wanted to get my thoughts together before I posted my own prayer regarding this new possibility. I'm only going to say that it is exactly what we want. Everything is within our guidelines as far as we know. Details will come when/if this is our turn.

Dear Lord Jesus,

I know you have been with us this far. I know you will continue to guide us. I know that you have all things undercontrol.

Father, let this be our turn. Please? My heart is weary, my soul aches, and I have been reduced to my essence. Let this baby be healthy and protect the hearts of everyone involved, and bring your blessings for us into being.

Help us to bear it if it is not our turn. Let your will be done, my request may not be your will, and I can accept that. But I'm on my knees. I am humbly requesting a chance.
Amen