From You and Me to Family of Three!

2012-01-31T20:32:00.000-08:00

Praise the Lord!

Nathan Shoultz went home to his house in Pottersville on Monday!

All is well and they are settling in. Nathan and Beth's church family and WOL family put in Laminate flooring and adjusted the bathroom so that he has easier mobility. (I'm sure the kids are loving the idea of skating in the house too, I know I did when I was their age!)

The fact that he walked through his door, is indeed a miracle. Looking back now, we are all more able to cope with the idea that we almost lost our friend. And seeing him back at home was probably where we all break down in grateful tears that he is still with us today.

Gavin, Carley, Owen and Zachary have their daddy back. Soon he'll be whole again and able to move more and more freely. I fully believe that even if some physical signs of the stroke remain, he will be able to continue his work eventually. And until then, we and many others will help him pay the bills. If you feel lead to donate to their family, here is his web page and the donate button is the best way to get funds to them.

I know I am grateful to all who help support them! Your continued support in prayer for their family is still needed and appreciated! Thank you over and over again for praying for my friend. It means more than you know to have people I only know by blog name reaching up to Heaven on his behalf and mine. Thank you to those of you who made a point to pray for me, I needed it, I was going nuts not being able to be there and take charge of the situation with my powers of cooking and baby caring and etc. My heart was and is calmed by your thoughts in my direction!

Many many blessings to all, and PRAISE GOD! NATHAN IS HOME!!

2011-12-19T07:26:00.000-08:00

I am not a morning person! I am grumpy and sometimes very unpleasant to be around before 8am...and I woke up in Jack's bed this morning. Snuggling wasn't on Jack's list of things to do, so I grumped out of bed and realized, my friend Beth has probably been up for hours already in New York, going about her horrible reality of her husband and father of her four children in the ICU. Suddenly, I am sort of ok with being up and going about my regular stuff. Eating my Elvis Toast (peanut butter and banana) and contemplating going to the gym. Now that it's two minutes away, I don't have to leave 20 minutes early to drop Jack in the Child Care. I can just poke around until 10 min before and then go. At least if I pack my bag the night before...

So, yes, I'm thankful for my life right now and the ability to move through it in a normal that I've chosen for us. Even if it means an early wake up in a bed that isn't my own. At least I can wake up, in my own house in my own town, with my kids and my husband. (Well Hubby had to leave early to take MIL into Seattle to catch the train, but...usually he's home this early.)

Beth posted yesterday that she's feeling our support for her, but that she doesn't feel like she's as Strong as we're giving her credit for. That she can't think of a life with out Nathan and what it would mean for her an the kids. That she can't stand living beyond the moment. Reading that broke my heart all over again. My Grief counseling training works better on people I don't know. I just keep reassuring her that I'm not going to quit praying for them ever.

In my last post I mentioned that Nathan was well loved, and my Blog Friend H, proved it. I've never met her, but we're friends on FB, and she let me know that people she knows, that I don't know are posting about Nathan and his family on FB. I'm reasonably sure that Nathan doesn't know H. So I'm currently getting a small amount of entertainment calling Nathan "Kevin Bacon" (Look up 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon if the funny isn't funny to you)

Ok, I need to de-stink myself and my child so we can go to the gym and then to his "Great Play" class. Talk about FUN!!!!! I love that place! I get to bounce around and play right along with him!

2011-12-17T13:53:00.000-08:00

Many of you are friends of mine on Facebook, and have seen my numerous posts about my dear friend Nathan Shoultz and his current fight for life. But I forget that you are probably a. not friends with Nathan on Facebook, nor are you friends with my friends who are all fully invested in praying for him, or his family who post more specific updates than I do.

Who is Nathan? Nathan is the Dad to four amazing little children, and husband to my friend Beth. They are the ones I wrote about in This Post and the few around it. We don't travel across country for just anyone. They are most precious to us, we planted our family tree so close to theirs, that our roots intertwine. They are friends, but truly they are adopted family. They grow in our hearts the way Jack does.

So, here's the gist of what's going on, and a link to Nathan's blog where his friend John Armstrong is updating twice a day or so. On Monday Nathan suffered a traumatic stroke, ~~which cut off the branch of the posterior cerebral artery to the left side of his brain~~. Actually it was the left carotid artery(a very interesting post on this is on Nathan's Blog), I was going on my limited anatomy of the head and neck from Dental School, further proof I don't know everything! It has damaged a great deal of the left side of his brain. It's really very "dicey" as his brother West says.

While he's out of "Danger" he's still healing and it's uncertain medically that he will regain the robust health he once enjoyed. I think they're trying to be positive, and not tell us everything the doctors tell them, but based on my limited medical background, the prognosis is not great.

The good news is this: He is a Christian, and has literally thousands of people praying for him, and for his family and friends. We're praying for a miracle. Most of us have assumed a pretty continuous attitude of prayer. We're metaphorically text bombing the Throne Room of God, and Spamming the Inbox as well.

Would you consider joining our efforts? Even if you are not a Christian, your positive thoughts and concern are welcome. Those of you who are without faith, consider putting aside your disbelief, or doubts or what ever you'd like to call it and pray for this amazing family, who would pray for you and give you what ever they could, and love you for exactly who you are. Because no one meets the Shoultzes and remains the same. They are the kind of people who affect and effect change in the people they meet. They've changed me, they've inspired me, they've loved me through hard times, and I encourage you to read his blog and allow their overall "Sweetness" to invade your life. Even if it's just for the next few days. Try it Here at Nathan's Blog.

Tis the Season for Hope, Peace, Joy, and MIRACLES!!!!

Write about Adoption and Being Afraid OA Round Table

2011-10-21T07:54:00.000-07:00

Open Adoption Round Table Question #31

Fear. If I said I didn't feel some sort of it surrounding adoption everyday I'd be lying.

Adoption fears fall under several categories in my life: Fear of the Process, Fear of Openness, Fear of Infertility, Fear of Jack Being Hurt, Fear of the Future, Fear of Doing It Wrong.

The Fear of the Process is actually first. Logically Fear of Infertility would be first, but no, not in my head. I wanted to adopt before I found out I "had" to. But the process seemed mysterious, daunting and downright scary. Even contemplating our second adoption after successful travels last time, is scary.

Fear of openness, this is something that began as "I am afraid the birthfamily will want to be involved." It morphs into a fear of "What if they never want to be involved?" How does this happen? You meet them, you are given an amazing blessing and then you watch that blessing turn into a person, and you WANT the birthfamily to see it. How fantastic this little life is. Sure, there are exceptions to this, some birthfamilies are really not safe, but then you are afraid they never will be, and won't ever be able to see their child again. To see how awesome and wonderful they are.

When I was 16 I was told I had PCOS, and the Dr. was pretty stupid and said, "You'll want to have children early." I began to cry. I was ALREADY 16. She felt dumb and said, "I meant before 30."
"oh." Then I got to feel stupid. As my marriage began at 21 I figured I had time. We were SOOOO careful in those first years. Looking back, they may have been my most fertile. When our lives finally got to a point where we thought we could manage a child, I was 25 and we began "not blocking nature" That was when I got really scared, what if I couldn't do it. Did that mean I was a failure? What did that mean in regard to my LOVE of children and my DESIRE to be a mom? Was God going to withhold my dreams? I look at Jack and KNOW He was just making them come true His way. Nothing I could put together in my womb would have been him. I still get anxious about infertility. I still feel sort of defective, and people don't understand why having Jack doesn't make me healed. And I don't know how to really effectively explain it, nor do I wish to, except here on my blog I try to sometimes.

As a mom, I am fearful that someone will tell Jack that I am not his "REAL" mom. People say it often, he has no idea what that means, but when I ask people to never say that in his presence again, they get all huffy. "You said you were going to tell him about the adoption, did you change your mind?" This kills me. I did not decide to lie to my child. That does not mean I want you to tell him your version of the truth.

I am the only mother he knows, how is that not real? I am not pretending to be his mom, I didn't steal him. I worry that people will get to him before I can. Which leads to Fear of the Future and Doing it wrong.

Even though I tell him about his story all the time, I worry that he'll believe someone else. That he will think I lied to him. That he won't love me as much if I have to explain to him that I've always been his mother, that that is what is real. That it is other people who just don't get it. That if I've not done this right he will not love me in the future. And that is my deepest darkest most terrible fear.

My friend who is a biological mom, says she fears the same thing, that if she's not done her mothering right that her daughter will not love her. So maybe we mothers are all the same.

2011-10-02T20:10:00.000-07:00

So, I did a Mud run for my first 5k ever. A mud run has mud pits and other obstacles... I did all but one of the obstacles and finished in just over an hour. If I'd known it was only 8 minutes and 20 seconds, I might have run a little more...but hey, it was my first time and I'm not really done with my Couch to 5K training and I'd never ever run outside before...except at women's retreat for like 15 minutes until I got all spider webby...eeew.The run I did was called HELL RUN! Before:

AFTER:

I had fun at a run, who ever would have thought that? I hated running my whole life, probably because I'm not fast, I don't have very good wind, and I used to hate sweating...and people are judgmental in High School and it's all about being better than someone else. Now that I'm into my 30's I just don't care and I want Jack to learn by example how much fun sports of all kinds can be. And that winning isn't the only fun part. Most of the time participating with friends, and having fun doing the event is where the real value is. I had a great time!oh and I finished in 1:08:20 with Jack's half brother Sammy's Mother at my side. We call ourselves "Outlaws" because we aren't In-laws, but we're more than friends and family connected by Adoption, but there is no law for what we are...we're outside the law.

My Review of Stay-Put Inflatable Bed Rail Set

2011-09-20T07:15:00.001-07:00

Originally submitted at One Step Ahead

So, you want soft, secure bed bolsters, but you don't want to fuss with anchor straps? Try our inflatable, under-the-bedding bumpers - the only ones with anti-slip flocking! No straps needed; your fitted sheet holds the bed guards in place. Plus, you get two inflatable bed rails for the price o...

Works like a charm!

By Kelley C. from Seattle, WA on 9/20/2011

Pros: Lightweight, Useful, Easy To Install

Best Uses: Toddlers

Describe Yourself: First Time Parent

My son loves these! no more thumping or whacking hard crib rails in the middle of the night, and waking up. He can safely climb over them, but they keep him securely in bed with out worry of rolling out. AND they're portable unlike the foam type bumpers sold elsewhere.

I have a very tall toddler who grew out (and climbed out) of his crib at 21 months. The toddler bed was really not an option for his height, and I wasn't very fond of the expandable beds at Ikea. These bumpers were my AHA! moment.

These bumpers work well when placed under the mattress pad, or a very tight sheet. They tend to slide a little if the bedding is loose or stretchy. My son sleeps securely through the night and so do we!

Jack's Bed

Tags: Using Product

(legalese)

Holy Five Hundred Years Since I last Posted!

2011-08-16T07:51:00.000-07:00

All I can say is, WOW time flies! I'm glad I'm Facebook friends with my Blogger Buddies! Summer has finally landed in Seattle, and I'm busy with an early riser! Today I was lucky and got him to snuggle with me for about half an hour.

He is now in his own bed, and has been for awhile. We were late starters in the independent sleeping game, and while I would not co-sleep for 18 months again, I would not miss 3-6 months of it for anything. Especially since I probably won't get to grow our next baby in my own uterus...maybe. We're still pondering the Embryo adoption thing. I just don't know if I'm down with it. In theory I have no problem with it. Other people can do it with out me making frowny faces at them. I don't judge. People do what they feel is right for them. I just can't seem to make if feel right for me. Digressing much? He now sleeps through the night maybe once or twice a week. He'll wake up at 11 and 3, most nights, which Erin, Samuel's mom says is exactly what he did.

Jack's vocabulary is exploding...He's such a sweet little guy(most of the time). He says "Hi" to people and smiles and he loves Balloons and Trucks and Busses. And we celebrate breakfast by saying "Yay Toast!" when it pops up out of the toaster, and then again when he eats it, at which point I think it's more like "Yay Jam!" But what ever! He still eats, though the spicy foods are not as popular as they once were.

Jeremiah's aunt and her husband are due with Twin boys Via surrogate, on Jack's Second birthday. Quite honestly I hope they are born early or late. Her husband is an interesting human, and I already have to share my birthday with him, I'd like Jack to have his own special day. His family will forever want to have "Joint Birthdays" and I just don't want to share. There I said it. I am SELFISH. I don't care.

Any way my busy boy is "Yay Toasting" and we're going to the Splash park later, and to Swimming tomorrow. We also hit a park at least once a day. Gotta get his energy out. Winter could really suck if it's really wet...Do they make rain suits in 3T? did I mention he's HUGE? 3 ft tall. I measured yesterday. WOW.

Happy Adoption Day!!

2011-04-23T08:46:00.001-07:00

A year ago, the judge said "you are a family, not that you needed me to tell you! This just gives you legal privileges to enforce your familial rights!". I like her!

Happy Birthday H

2011-04-14T21:13:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to take a second and say Happy Birthday to our most special Family Member, H. We love you and hope you are having a wonderful, happy and fulfilling life. When ever you are ready to enjoy your sons, there are two loving families waiting to embrace you.

Happy Birthday sweet woman, I hope and pray you are safe and happy.

Weeeeee!

2011-04-08T15:06:00.001-07:00

The sun!!!!!!!!!!
And it was warm!
Jack and I went to a park nearby with some friends. I was teaching one of their little girls how to cartwheel, and she said, can you show me?

So, I did, and then Jack stretched his little arms in the air and took a pointed step...and laid on the ground. Sweet boy!

The other moms were impressed by my cartwheeling and tried it... They were chagrinned by the fact that I am 10 years older than they are...and they couldn't do it! I think it's all the yoga.

Jack had a blast running all over the artificial soccer turf chasing the soccer ball, bubbles and flying disks. And I was in heaven playing with my boy!

So grateful for my unexpected family

2011-04-05T10:50:00.001-07:00

How awesome is it that Jack gets to play with his Sam when I have to go to the dentist next week?

And then I get to watch Sam play with his Jack the week after!

It is sooooo awesome.

Busy Boy!

2011-03-25T09:02:00.001-07:00

He's taken up dancing in a circle with his arms in the air. Sort of like the "twirly whirly" dance on Yo Gabba Gabba.

He discovered trains this week too, though I'm still not ready for Thomas the Train.

He likes Little Bear "duck". And Franklin "turnle" (turtle) I think he likes the duck on Little Bear better than LB himself, I do too, she's funny!

And, can I just say I love my little rowdy sweet boy? LOVE him!! He'll play and tumble and yell (much to the dismay of little girls) then come running over to me, throw his arms around my leg, neck or other available part and kiss me or say "mmmmm I love you" ( jer and I always do this when we hug and kiss him, and each other).

Yesterday we played with Sara and Sabrina, and can I just say the age&gender gap really shows right now! Sara sits quietly and eats her lunch, jack is like "feed me! What do you mean I have to sit here!!!! I want to Run!!". Poor Sabrina!!

My little boy! I was so scared I would never be able to call a little boy my own!

Tumbler

2011-03-07T10:16:00.001-08:00

I'm trying a daily photo/vid upload every day.

Here: http://www.tumblr.com/tumblelog/keltracat

Bye bye!

2011-03-07T09:43:00.001-08:00

Jer left for work this morning, and kissed us goodbye. Jack was still asleep, but raised his little arm and waved. Jer laughed but on his Fb said it was a little sad. Most of the time Jack stays asleep with no response, so I think he's coming out ahead!

He's been waving and saying "thank you" after our Home Depot trip last week. When the orange aprons would go I would say thank you and as we moved on Jack waved and said "thank you". Sadly people move on so quickly, they often miss his goodbye.

Panel Talk

2011-03-05T17:04:00.001-08:00

Jer and I spoke about our family at the Bethany infant training today, it was fun, a little emotional as we'd never really done it before, the other family went first, and were very nice. I was a little talkative, maybe too much, ( I felt like a question hog, but maybe I'm over thinking.)

I also got the group to laugh and look around at one another, neither of which happened at the training I went to.( except for Erin, Sam's mom)

I used adoption friendly words, but also interchanged "mom" and "birthmother" several times. I have never had a big issue with calling H "Jack's Mom". I can share.

Jack played with the other couple's little boy and over all we had fun. We were supposed to do it with Erin and Michael and Sam, but they had a family member pass away. Next time!!

Explaining Myself

2011-01-26T11:14:00.001-08:00

I find myself having to explain / defend myself a lot.

Case in point;
We had suffered a loss in June of 08 right before we were officially waiting. That weekend we went to portland to visit family. We had breakfast with Hubby's family, met cousin's girlfriend and I left early to watch my bro play kickball.
After I had gone cousin made an announcement that Girlfriend was pregnant. Hubby told me later.

Fast forward 2 years. Girlfriend is now wife and she asks me how we met. I told her and remarked that it was a good thing I wasn't there for the announcement.

She flies off the handle and calls me rude and basically says that my grief was no reason for me to have not been happy for them. And that it's a good thing God gave me Jack so I could be healed.

I wanted to slap her. It isn't the first time I've wanted to slap her. That late period was my last round of clomid. My last chance for a pregnancy. I perceived it as a loss. While I am over the moon about my Son, it does not make that pain disappear; nor does it invalidate my grief.

She went on about how she'd miscarried twice prior to her daughter with different men for various reasons. And that I shouldn't think I was the only person to experience pain.

Again the urge to slap.

I don't like showing my vulnerable side to Hubby's family. I don't feel loved or safe emotionally there, so I didn't argue the point. I told her she should be proud to be such a healthy, well balanced person. That I was fine with being rude and broken. That if I had heard in a public place that cousin had gotten her knocked up after I'd suffered a loss, and 8 years of childlessness and two years of infertility treatment, I would have lost my basket. And the ensuing fruit puree would have been bitter due to the continued lack of consideration of my feelings by that family.

She told me I was selfish. Forget the fact that i was very supportive of her pregnancy once I rationalized it. But it took weeks. She isn't wrong... But she lacks the empathy she wants me to show her in retrospect. I wish my foot would stay on the floor and out of my mouth.

Now you all know my D.L.S. I live where I do so that I can be happy and have managed interaction with these people. And... I am not a nice person.

Dear Lord,
Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot like, the strength to forgive them and the wisdom to keep my mouth shut around them. And a good shield for when I must be around them.

Baby #2

2011-01-20T10:37:00.001-08:00

Finally got Hubby to tell me what's happening in his head. He wants to "re start" in the fall! Is it weird to be excited about waiting again? I'm hoping the next wait will be more joyful, regardless of length. I have my jack to keep me busy!

2010

2011-01-04T14:53:00.001-08:00

Wow what a year!

Thanksgiving marked my first year as a person not tethered to a job, and the third of December marked Jack's first year and my first year as a mommy! It has been incredible watching this little boy grow from a teeny dude to one that is half my size! Next year he will be half of his projected height, how amazing is that? (2inches in either direction)

We have not been in contact with his Birthmom, but she has so much water under her bridge (including Jack's half brother, Samuel) that our relationship with her may always be one sided. His "potential" birthfather has been in contact via My Space and we are posting updates there for him. DNA tests will be required before any further contact would be possible.

We have begun a loving relationship with Samuel and his family, it is amazing what Love and a true committment to openness can bring into our lives. We are careful to keep our definition of things wide open and are finding that the more we are together, the more we want to be together. Our relationship is not Typical of openness, but it has been a gift that will continue to present both Blessings and challenges as the boys grow. Samuel is not my son, i claim no ownership or right to him, but i love him as though he were mine, with a gentle unconditional love that comes from my love and gratitude for his first mother. I didn't realize i would feel this way toward him. I love many of my friend's children; but this is very different.
And we should be able to pay off Jack's adoption loan soon, which means we'll go back on the list for our second in June or July.

Jer and I are doing well adjusting our relationship, it gets emo sometimes but overall it's strong and we remain the love of eachother's life; but sometimes our new little love puts that in the backseat.

Jer is a good and loving daddy, and seeing him with Jack makes me fall further in love with him.

I hope that 2011 brings all of you, my friends, peace, joy and blessings of abundance. I wish you more laughter than tears, and prosperity above want; and just enough Trial to keep you honest! 

Jack's first year

2010-12-02T18:04:00.000-08:00

364 days ago....I can't believe it. We were sitting and holding our son. Tomorrow he turns 1 year old, but it was a Thursday morning when we got the call.

Enjoy!

Just an introduction

2010-10-30T13:05:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to introduce you to a tough lady, with a lot of things going on in her life. Mama J at Her Womb...

When waiting mothers take the time to read through my blog and contact me, I feel honored to be part of their journey. I remember so Vividly the first time I read Jamie's blog, and Melba's and BB's and Holly's and all of the blogs I follow, I remember those of you who were placed while I was waiting.

Jamie's blog comes to mind because of a single photo, Jamie emotional, watching Milo come into the world, her hand over her mouth, and Matt holding her (Holding her up?) from behind, and what a miraculous image, burned into my mind and heart, that this thing called Adoption, it happens, and it happens to people just like me. That and one of the later posts about Matt getting her her favorite icecream cone, and it was my favorite too.

It's the little things that bind us together as moms. How amazing is it that our individual stories are so inspiring to others? I love that I can ask any one of you anything and you will answer me honestly!

With Love to J and all of you,

2010-10-27T14:12:00.000-07:00

Jack and Sam got to see each other again today. Erin, has two sons and her older son Ryan had been sick for a week and she was sick and Sam too (They had a cold, Ryan something else) So it had been two weeks or longer since the boys had been together. But, they were as happy to see each other as a 10 month old and a 23 month old can be. (actually probably a little more than the averages as these boys seem to "get" that they are related.)

Today they wouldn't sit together long enough to get a picture, but here are two cute ones of the day :D
And a cute one from last time too.
Samuel is always so shy with me, and doesn't say much, but Erin says he talks up a storm about Jack before he sees him. "I love Jackie!" "See Jackie?"

Erin's oldest has figured out that Jack is "Sammy's family" and he's ready to meed us, and he calls me "Sammy's auntie" Which works for me! I have a nephew that is actually related to my son!! HOW FANTASTIC is that!!

I told Erin that I still think it's such a privilege to know Samuel and their family. I recalled sitting across from H. and wondering if I'd ever meet this little boy. The fact that Samuel is a part of H. makes me love him like a relative, and I feel blessed to have him in my life! Erin expressed to me, that she was just so happy that Samuel has a sibling. That they were worried about having someone close to his age to play with like a brother, and how this whole business just seems to be mapped out divinely. And now, I have a mommy friend with an adopted child, something that I've wanted really badly. Someone who gets exactly what I ponder in my heart, someone who thinks about the same woman with gratitude for making our lives possible. For making us mothers. Erin and I are in an exclusive club, we have H's sons for our sons. And who would get that besides the two of us?

These beautiful lives, are my reason for being thankful to a woman for choosing life. She made a decision for these boys and believed it so much she did it twice. And then gave us permission to create a whole -ly different kind of family. If she'd pick up her letters she would know how grateful we are. THANK YOU H!

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-24T13:12:00.001-07:00

LIfe as we Know It

2010-10-24T10:44:00.000-07:00

Or what I've been calling the movie I didn't want to see.

We saw it last night with friends, and to be honest it's one of those 1-2 punch situations. By all means it was well done, if you want to see it do!

BUT, PARENTS of a 1 year old die and leave their child to their two unmarried godparents.
Punch 1. I don't like to think about not being around for Jack. EVER. I get totally irrationally jealous just thinking about it.

Punch 2- I don't want it to suck for the people who "would" end up with Jack. Granted my parents would be the #1 choice until Jared and Wanda get married, but, even then, would it be awful to throw my brother and his future wife into parenthood?

I hate contemplating my mortality. We really need to get our will done. But these decisions are on file with our Adoption agency. It's really the money part that needs to be "thought through."

Called to Heaven, Job well done

2010-10-19T19:20:00.000-07:00

Johnny Rench

To the Rench Family I extend my heartfelt and deepest sympathy. Yet I celebrate his life with joy and the fact that he's now got the Canvas of Heaven to illustrate. For further art work go to his blog http://jonnyrench.blogspot.com/

Family Fun in Portland!

2010-10-07T13:30:00.000-07:00

This past week taught me two things:
1. Lots of toys in the back seat are more fun than mommy.
2. Opening your netbook to a moldy spitup/formula spill is not the worst thing ever, in fact, it could be freaking awesome!

So, my grammy, who lives in So.Cal hadn't met the baby yet. AMAZING RIGHT?! The wedding of Jer's cousin and Grammy's arrival happened in consecutive weekends,and my kid is in swimming class and I don't want him to miss every class because of family obligations in the city 3hours south. (I love and hate our 3 hour buffer.)So, I drove down with Jack on the second weekend alone and stayed til tuesday. Friday morning Jer helped me load the car, and we went to the gym and I did laps and then we went to Baby Splash. It is so difficult to get showered and changed at the gym by myself. The locker room while very nice and clean ( I KNEW there was a reason to pay the big bucks!) But not everyone wants a 10 month old crawling up to them in various states of semi-dress.

After achieving a shower and dryish hair, I fed Jack a bottle in the lobby (Also very comfy)and proceeded to head to Portland. WEll, I live east of the city which requires an interchange to get to the big interstate. so...I was in the carpool lane rocking to my GLEE playlist, and...got shoved into the northbound Carpool lane by a nasty woman who wouldn't let me over, in a hurry but not you know...like less than 1/2 mile to the exit. SO I had to figure out how to get turned around in Tuckwila, a very nice city but one I'd never really been to from that particular direction...luckily it was only a half hour's worth of instinctive/googlemaps ap on my iphone out of the way.

Well then, traffic was light (LE GASP) and it looked like I'd make it through the Joint Base Lewis-McChord with out a slow down for the first time in three years when Jack Pitched a ROYAL FIT. He was hungry. (Did I mention he was wearing swimming trunks? Dry ones with a huge t-shirt, and I was wearing sweats and my hair was...dryish? Are you getting the W.T. look in your mind? Oh please, go there with me.) The only food I could see was the combo KFC/A&W, so that's where we went. I think about eight soldiers/airmen called me "Ma'm" nothing like looking like a freak show when there are handsome men in uniform around. Jack now loves fried chicken and their mashed potatoes, which heretofore had been spat out with a dirty look. KFC potatoes are the bomb though.

Anyway we get through lunch (have I mentioned it has now taken us an hour and a half to go about 20 miles? Seriously!) SO, I get back on the freeway, and LIG. Thankfully. All clear with nice big spaces between the cars, resume Gleeking.

Then there it is, the construction. I knew it was there, and when I saw a familiar blue toyota prius with a familliar licenceplate and bumper sticker, (Seriously bamafan with Obama/Biden sticker, if you didn't want me to remember your hippy ass (another peace/tiedied bumpersticker)or want me to stereotype you, don't label yourself!)) I felt the universe delivering me a gift. Yes. I was petty. I made a b line for the left lane and didn't let her in, she had to wait three cars to get into the open lane. I know. I know. Vengence is the Lords. I've prayed and asked forgiveness, but come on! SO, I looked like my stereo type too. MS. middle class mama with her bigsunglasses and suv. But I really didn't care. She'd messed with my schedule and perhaps gotten my baby addicted to the Colonel's special recipe.

I did eventually make up that time in the 70mph zone that is the straightaway in rural WA. where if you are actually going 70 in the slow lane you will get into trouble with the truckers, as they have to go 60 and stay to the right. (and they do stay to the right, but they do not go 60, it may as well be the autobahn!

And we met Grammy. Jack was extremely friendly, and loved her, and even got Uncle Stanley to smile, which is a trick, he used to chase my cousin and I down the hall "YOU KIDS GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!) Yep. We did it on purpose. But seemingly U.S. has gotten mellower in his old age. Later in the weekend, he even made sure Jack didn't get the sun in his eyes in the car by holding his hat up to block the sun. (Totally sweet, and I almost passed out from shock.)

Saturday I was going to blog about the trip to VOODOO Doughnuts in Portland, and couldn't figure out why my netbook was stuckshut. BTW this is never a GOOD sign.

It finally peeled open to reveal a fuzzy mess. the whole right hand side of the keyboard was molded and sticky and the screen as well. I washed off the screen with a damp cloth and the keyboard with rubbing alcohol and a q tip. well...after all that swabbing, the thing boots up and runs fine...except the keyboard is not working. At all.

SO, after a day of wavering between buying myself an ipad that I really didn't want to buy, (I wanted to but it's 500 bucks, and I don't part with 500 bucks lightly.) I had an epiphany.
My TV has a PC input. My netbook has a monitor output! I went to "Buymore" and got a cable, costco had a wireless keyboard and mouse for 40 bucks, and for a grand total of 65 dollars I have a whole new set up. Seriously, I use my iphone for most things, and when in a real pinch for a computer I can use a family member's or god forbid a net cafe/business center. I even have another laptop that I lent to a friend a while ago. Seriously, this works awesomely and I can watch HULU on the big screen. I think I may end up getting a mac mini for the tv and see what we can do about this cable bill. It's stupid to pay for a land line phone now that my cell works from home.

Oh the fun we could have!!

Oh and on the way home Jer's grandma gave jack a huge back of stuffed toys she got for $.25 each. And he was content the whole way home, only one scheduled stop for lunch in Centrailia at the Country Cousin!

Comming soon:
Cute pics of Jack with Grammy
VooDoo Doughnuts, are they worth waiting an hour in line for, and are they as good as TOP POT?

Oh and here's a little video!

2010-09-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

Coffee with S. and E.

2010-09-21T23:02:00.000-07:00

I decided that I couldn't let my crazy schedule of family visits cramp our new connection and hinder our relationship building any more than it already has been, and we met for coffee today, a nanny day for me, and we had a great time, C, half of the duo of "Amazing Princesses" that I watch on Tuesdays was a good girl and asked, "Who Sam?" on the drive to pick her sister up from school.

Well, isn't that just like a little kiddo to ask the million dollar question? For now, I think we're just going to let our relationship grow, and not worry too much about labeling it. We're calling ourselves the "outlaws" because our relationship sort of has no legal precedent, and we just really want what is best for these boys and we believe in our hearts that being together and knowing each other is just that. God blessed our desire to meet, and what God makes possible, we are not about to get in the way of!! We've decided to be totally honest about comfort zones and have given each other complete freedom to draw boundaries when we need to, and otherwise just stay out of God's way!

Photos I Love!!!

2010-09-18T20:48:00.000-07:00

Jack and I started "Baby Splash" on Friday, he had a blast! Video to follow SOON!

BEST MONDAY EVER! (See previous post and the one Prior to that)

Jer likes to take pics of us sleeping...

Campin!

Still amazed by "yesterday"

2010-09-15T10:49:00.001-07:00

I'm hiding out at a local cafe while (avoiding the bang bang of the roofers) while jack naps. I still love yesterday and it will remain a favorite memory forever.

Edit: (my fingers got tired of i phone typing)
I can still feel the slow motion realization, seeing S's head in the shopping cart and thinking, he has a good head, and such fun spiky hair! Recognizing E. but not being able to place her, (this happens to me alllll the time because I used to meet 100 people a week at the dentist office and they never remembered me because my mask blocked my good looks LOL)

I said in a comment to Jamie, that it was the GRAVITY of realizing that H's two boys were in the same airspace at the same time. My longing for her grew tenfold. I miss that woman, I want her to see the family she helped create. The boys have separate families, but we have formed a new kind of family, one that is related only by her. What can you call that but love? Someday she will decide that she wants or needs to see her boys, and she will find a loving and accepting extended family waiting for her with open and eager arms.

Some people will not understand. My mother doesn't get it. Some people will think we are out of our minds, but who are we to stand in God's way? I suddenly understand how Missionaries must feel. People say to them: "I just couldn't live that way!" I suddenly see their faith. They live their lives "Wide Open" as Rebekah from Heart Cries would say. We are all meant to live wide open to God, we shouldn't fear what He has for us, because for what He ordains, He provides means for. What is He knocking on your heart about?

I know when I first met E and her husband, I felt God's impression on me that they were important people. I liked them and wanted to know them, I wish now that I had had the guts to just break the "we are all waiting for the same baby" tension and just have invited them over for dinner that week, we would have had a head start on all of this! But, God's timing is His, and I believe we had our hearts guarded for our own process as well as H's. I am just so thrilled at the possibilities! We can have so much fun together! And our boys have the opportunity to know each other with out awkward mommies and daddies freaking out and pushing them together but not wanting to be friends!

God is just sooooo good.

GOD! You are so good to us, you create your world with such decadence. You give such fantastic gifts. Thank you for my son, thank you for E's son, thank you for H and her love for her sons! Thank you for revealing your plans in your time so I can feel like this! Thank you for the miracle of open adoption and for the joy of trailblazing new family ties. Thank you for your Son, and making it possible to have brothers and sisters in faith.
AMEN!

Imagine Meeting you Here...in the produce aisle!

2010-09-13T15:43:00.000-07:00

Jack and I met two very special people today! And all by God's design and in His timing.

I've wanted to meet Jack's birthmother's other son and his family for sometime now, but getting up my courage to jump in and do it was taking too long for God's taste apparently because today, at the supermarket, in my "I'm running errands after swimming and before going home to put make up on clothes" Our eyes locked, I recalled her face from the past at our initiation and then again at training...I realised that the little boy in the cart was HIM!!!!! H's other son! And E. Who I've been so ready but not ready to meet was smiling at me and asking, "are you Kelley?" as I was commenting on the cuteness of her little guy's hair, it all seemed to happen at the same time, a totally anonymous mom converstation and the realization that I KNEW THEM
The awesome thing? She was as excited as I am! Neither of us wanted to leave the store!
I made the produce guy take a picture, I'm sure he thought we were nuts.

Open adoption doesn't always mean open with the birthmom, sometimes it means "Open minded to your definition of family" Because I think our family just grew.

Happy Saturday everyone!

2010-08-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

So, in my last post I listed 10 things I've been too busy to blog, and I decided to just tackle one or two this morning.

VBS (Vacation Bible School) was awesome. Our little church hosted over 40 families. I was helping two of the High School boys with the 2nd and 3rd graders. Those guys were amazing with the kids. I'm so proud to have worked with them! They did everything, I literally was the "Adult Presence" in the room. We did the "Discovering the Power of Jesus" curriculum, which uses basic organic chemistry and biology to illustrate the power of Jesus, and every day is a different Power. (Create, Save, Change etc). I helped kids learn the memory verses and songs and encourage their beliefs in the Lord! I do feel badly about one little guy who was just all over the place. He was very smart and came up with some really great answers to questions, but, he could not wait his turn for anything, or sit still or stop picking his nose! :p Both of my brothers were energetic little boys, and one had/has ADD. So, I don't want to sound like I'm a boy newbie who doesn't like boys! I do, I love little boys, I loved this little boy, however; I feel like I didn't show it very well. And because I was not able to finish the week on Friday, I didn't get to tell him that I was either sorry or why I kept such a close eye on him and separated him from another boy in lesson time and assembly time. I feel like I could have done it better. I wasn't SO mean but, I wasn't very fun about it either.

They really helped the SAHM's like me, help with the Ministry by having the nursery staffed and available. I would take Jack in there after the morning assembly (because he LOVED the Music and his God Father was the MC and practically insisted Jack be involved) and picked him up before the afternoon session. He had a great week, and we were both really tired at the end of Thursday.

My mother in Law and her mom were in town that week too, but had only expected to see us on Sunday, well, Saturday when they arrived in the area, their car broke down about 3 blocks from their hotel. They parked it in the nearby lot and walked to the hotel from there and the hotel sent a courtesy shuttle driver with them to get their things. They called us and I ended up driving them a lot and then, on Monday the mechanic confirmed that it was indeed the Transmission. So they parked the car at the Mechanic's place and eventually had another relative tow it somewhere else where he could work on it leisurely and Mom and Grandma took the bus home. (All the way to Grants Pass OR, where a friend took them the rest of the way home to the Southern Oregon Coast)

So, I had a semi stressful week. It wasn't too bad, but still a lot more happening than I'd like with a week long commitment!
Followed by a Portland trip for my brother's 30th Birthday shindig but that's another post!

A quick rundown of things I want to blog about but seem to be lacking time to do it and the patience to do it from my Iphone

2010-08-19T09:46:00.000-07:00

1. The Medford trip earlier this month was awesome! Seeing my old friends again was really sweet.
2. Jack has 2 teeth!
3. Jack is eating very very well.
4. VBS was awesome
5. Why are my friends getting divorced, why all right now, why does it make me feel like this?
6. My brother turned 30 and I feel old.

7. We're going to try to get pregnant again, because my diagnosis is not a hard and fast no, and neither is Jer's.
8. Weddings, why I think they are both awesome and awkward in the same breath.
9. Needing more mommy friends, wondering if my friend will want to hang out with me when she is a mommy. Needing to call the mommy friends I have when I'm going to do things in the mornings.
10. Upcomming events: My parents visiting, Jer's grandparents visiting, Jer's birthday, Camping in Chelan, feeling overscheduled and pulled in twelve directions....

Life is good, and it is complicated. My beautiful boy is growing up, he's getting an awesome personality and doing so many things so quickly! We want to give him a sibling and don't quite know what to do about it. and just this second, the kid decided he could reach the netflix movies!

Jack and Jessica. Jessica was an orphan rescued by Mother Theresa from a Gutter. This beautiful woman is only one of the reasons I chose adoption. Her mother adopted her at 34 when she was single and not sure she'd ever get married. Her father adopted her after he married her mother.

Test

2010-08-07T07:48:00.001-07:00

From blogwriter did it work?

Life, Love, and the Miracle of Adoption

2010-08-06T16:34:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I read a new waiting mom blog, and I just wanted to encourage Kelli in her waiting time.

We waited 427 days give or take a week, to be selected, and then another month before he was born. Keep waiting and praying!

Life, Love, and the Miracle of Adoption

Eight months!

2010-08-06T10:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, this was supposed to go up on the 3rd, you know on his 8 month bday!! but blogger from my new phone just didn't do it! :( It's ok except that I had a nice prayer and things that I can't remember now.. going to have to bite the bullet and get blog press! By the way, that cell phone, it used to be longer than his arm. Now? Not so much!

I just had an epiphany. I like American Chopper because Paul Sr. and Paul Jr. remind me of my mother and myself. They have the exact same goals, to build awesome bikes, they just have completely opposite approaches to the process. My mom and I both want to have happy lives and a healthy family, we just have a completely different idea of how that should happen. Neither idea is bad, one is just front door and the other is down the street.

2010-08-03T10:43:00.001-07:00

Wow, an adoption type post, it's been awhile!

2010-07-19T11:28:00.000-07:00

When we were first contacted about Jack, and we met with his birthmother, we were informed that she'd had another little boy S. A year earlier, and he had been placed with a family that we went to our trainings with, and that part of the reason H. chose us, was that she couldn't believe we were still waiting. When we were in her labor room, I broached the subject of her allowing us to contact the other family. At that time she said she'd think about it. About a month after the birth she signed a release that would allow us to contact the other family. Then I got a little hesitant, not sure why...but we weren't finalized yet and I think I just couldn't handle the idea of what little S. would mean to our family and what we would mean to the other family. After we finalized I let our caseworker know that it would be ok to give them my email and phone#.

Finally, about a month ago, I checked in with our caseworker and an email from the other fam. had gotten lost in her inbox (I can only imagine how much email she gets a day) so, I emailed S.'s adoptive mom and she was excited to be in touch. We live close to each other, so close that if the boys ever play soccer they'd likely be on the same team if not the same league, and with the way school districts change boundary lines, they could end up going to the same school.

So here I sit, getting ready to ask her to bring S. to coffee. I know this woman, we've met twice before, I liked her immediately I know that God is written all over this, and this is one of those cool things about open adoptions. We've traded email messages going over our concerns and our expectations, basically saying we shouldn't have any expectations, we're just making it possible for the boys to have a relationship of some kind in the future.

The concerns I have are fairly simple, what will we all mean to one another, how will this affect their older biological son? Will this confuse the heck out of my son when he's older? Will S. and Jack like one another?

But, the boys will have a similar history, hopefully H. will re-enter the picture in the future(right now she's chosen to not make contact with the agency to update her address), and they will both have a connection with her and with one another.

Best case scenario in my mind would be a relationship like I had with my cousin, we were buddies, we loved one another, and we took care of one another at school. We saw each other around holidays (not necessarily on the holiday) and we played like crazy at family dinners. He added a fun and loving extra in my life and that is what I want for Jack.

Ambitious Summer Schedule!

2010-07-12T18:15:00.000-07:00

So, Jer was in our friend's wedding and Jack wore his cute new hat n' tie

And then Jack and I stayed in Portand to give my parents some bonding time. It was pretty fun, but we missed our daddy! Jack would wake up and I called Jer before he went to work every morning and Jack talked to him, it was really cute, he really got "Daddy" down while we were there.

Our buddies from Pottersville, New York came to visit with all three of their kiddos, this is Owen, their youngest, who I knew about before Jack, but he was born a month later(nearly three weeks past his due date!)

The other two, Gavin and Carley made a new fan in my mom, who LOVES children.

Then I took Jack down to the Washington County Public Services Building to visit Jer's Step Mom, she never had children of her own, and is really enjoying having Jack to show off to her friends.

Later in the week we went to Book Club at Wanda and Jared's (my future SIL and Brother) and Grammma Grammma B. (She thinks Great Grandma sounds old, forget that she's 89...)

I got to talk about my actually finishing a book ("U" is for Undertow by, Sue Grafton) and got recs from others for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and Suite Francaise.;

Later that evening he fell asleep on GGB

Then on Friday morning we drove back home to Wa.
Jack was such a good boy!
Stay Tuned for the Medford Road Trip!

Father's Day!

2010-06-20T14:10:00.000-07:00

Jer and Jack celebrated their first Father's Day today! I love my boys!

Jack is sitting up and pushing himself into seated these days! so stinking fun to watch him grow up. He's looking at me with tired eyes and rubbing them, so I'll make this quick.

The sweetest thing in the world is seeing your husband become a father. Those of you who are still waiting for your miracle, don't lose heart. The wait will be worth it!

jack clapping.m4v

2010-06-17T08:25:00.000-07:00

I know some of you saw this via FB, but I thought I'd share here too :D

Six Month Well Baby

2010-06-03T16:42:00.000-07:00

In the words of Jack's Pediatrician: "He's going to be a big dude." I love her(have I mentioned that before?)

The man weighed in at 20lbs 4 oz and measured 28inches long. All of his food must have gone into growing bones and muscles because he was 21.7 at his last visit. And he's moving all the time unless he's sleeping!

We went to the Mediterranean Kitchen for lunch where Jack decided he wanted to eat my hummus. He loved it, garlic and all! I'll have to make him some. He likes flavor, so I'll have to figure out how to spice up his fruits and veggies, don't want him to eat bland food if he likes to be adventurous. He liked their lentil soup as well, and he's eaten Pho before and really liked the broth.

I was talking to his Dr. about it and she reminded me that as a whole, the world eats soup and stew and feeds their children the broth and then the veggies and then the protiens, so I shouldn't be afraid to be adventurous with his food, just blend it up! She's such a well studied individual, and she really loves the Anthropology of Child Rearing, so it's incredible to talk to her about it. I really want to see "Babies" but i think this date night is going to be Prince of Persia! Jake Gillianhaal....darn

Six months of Jack...loving every moment!!

2010-06-03T16:14:00.000-07:00

Here Kitty Kitty

2010-06-02T17:32:00.000-07:00

Look, Noah!

I'm not sure but I think Jack just said "HERE Kitty". He at least mimicked the way I say it, but he was looking right at the cat when he did it. He even patted his leg. Coincidence? Who knows!

New Do!

Memorable Memorial

2010-06-01T17:29:00.000-07:00

Like many people my age, my Grandfather's were involved in WWII. My Paternal Grandfather was a Sailor in the Navy. My Maternal Grandfather was in the Marines, and earned a Purple Heart and a Distinguished Service Medal. And another medal that I've seen but I don't know what it was, so...I'll have to do some research.

We're a patriotic family, not in the yellow magnet on your car sort of way, but we're proud of our soldiers and support them, and to remember our fallen soldiers is a privilege.

Jack's (presumed) Birthfather is a serviceman, and we intend to make sure that we instill in Jack a proper respect for his country and those who gave their last measure of devotion to the land love.

I'm so lucky to have a published Pediatrician!

2010-05-27T10:35:00.000-07:00

Your Baby's First Year by Ruth Ann Parish

My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Dr. Parish is my son's pediatrician. I've never met a Dr. more willing to hear me. She seems to understand and value my opinion as a Mom and she fully supports me in my parenting. This book really helped (Helps) me see my child and how God is teaching me to be a better person through parenting and observing my son.

View all my reviews >>

giggle

2010-05-20T15:59:00.000-07:00

Early morning yesterday and 2 weeks ago...

2010-05-20T15:48:00.000-07:00

The dude has been sleeping through the night more often than not. SWEEET!

Yesterday at 6 he woke and was hungry, so I fed him a bottle, and about 1 minute later he gagged on something, (His finger probably) and THREW up all over me and our side of the bed, ALL of the bottle, I'm pretty sure. So, we went and showered and re dressed. I get back in our room and DADDY had made himself a comfy burrito out of the comforter which was spared vomit. And had put all the sheets in the wash including my soiled pillow...leaving me nowhere to sleep. I looked at Jack and shrugged. We piled onto the couch together and slept and slept. We woke when Jer left at 8 and he ate another bottle and then proceeded to nap another 3 hours. So, I mowed and trimmed the lawn (so there busy body neighbor who mowed my lawn for me and said it looked like I was out of town. I told him to wait until it looked like I was dead before he stepped on my lawn again. I do a far nicer job than he did.) ( It had rained a solid month and I have an infant! Comeon!)

Later we went to Home.Despot ;) and got bird feeders and new door knobs for the doors on the garage. I LOVE THAT PLACE. All of the contractors talked to J. and he smiled at them and babeled it was cute. Then I went to get a massage and OUCH!!! Today my spine is bruised I think, but I needed it badly because...I fell two weeks ago.

Jack and I were meeting a friend for lunch in the U-district and the sidewalk grabbed my foot. Thankfully my guardian angel had the presence of mind to turn me so that I landed on my right shoulder blade on top and my right knee on the bottom and my left hand and right elbow instead of directly on top of my baby who was strapped helplessly to my chest with the Ergo. (the guy who helped me up said I looked like a stunt woman, which was incredibly nice of him to say when I felt like such a clutz.) My shoe flew off, my keys wend flying and remarkably TWO people immediately helped me up and gathered my shoe and my keys. Oh and Jack's hat. He only cried from fear for a minute. He wasn't hurt at all. But Mama's back was sore and shoulder, knee, elbow and left hand were totally bruised. I was really embarrassed to tell you all what happened, but I figured I'd let you all know I lived through my worst nightmare (Falling with baby) and didn't kill myself or my child. So, I guess it's not a complete FAIL!

Have a fantastic weekend!

Quiet Weekend, and Hello! Clara City!

2010-05-17T10:23:00.000-07:00

It was a quiet weekend and week, we went for a walk in the beautiful sunshine, which has now left us...I love being subject to the Jet Stream. When I lived in Medford the weather was more stable, we'd have big chunks of clear days and big chunks of cloudy days and then looooong HOT Summers with T-storms that were gorgeous! Here we get lots of gray.....and then Sun! then Gray....and the worst days, when it RAINS and then SUNS but not long enough to mow the grass....and then the next day is rainy again so the grass just grows and grows and grows! And I am a fair weather mower! I don't like to mow when the wheels of the mower will smush down the grass and leave stripes in my lawn of tall grass and short grass. Art it isn't!

I'm not sure if I've met or read about the lovely person from Clara City, MN. But I'm not going to out people's locations by name even if you do email me to say hi, and again, I won't find you on face.book and bug you either! I just want you to know I appreciate you! I do have relatives in the North West corner of MN. So if you know a McClelland they are probably related to me!

Photos borrowed from:

http://blogs.keloland.com/blog/index.cfm?date=7/2008

and

Immanuel Lutheran Church

kelley@jeremiah and kelley dot com

Burlington, Vermont

2010-05-12T08:43:00.000-07:00

She got the call! Due June 9th! How exciting is that! Thank you for including me in your news!

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank you for hearing J's prayers, thank you for your provision in the life of this Birthmother, hold both of these families in your capable hands. You are truly an amazing architect.
Amen

The Quiet Reader Tribute of the week:

2010-05-11T15:18:00.000-07:00

After a very nice email exchange with Burlington, Vermont I thought I'd continue the idea!

And so, here's to Portland, Oregon a fine city that I once inhabited! Loved it there, still miss it, especially the view from the sky-bridge in the photo.

Portland, Oregon, welcome! I hope you love Marquam Hill as much as I did and still do!

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T14:49:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to all of you celebrating your first Mother's Day.

And to you Mom's who await the news of your little ones, please know my heart is with you. Last year, this day hurt like hell. Hug your mothers, hug your grandmothers, be a Daughter today, let them hold you while you are sad. And know that your Mother's Day is soon to come and it will be a day of happiness.

I spoke at our Mother's Day Brunch yesterday and told our story from beginning to now, I started with our wedding day and touched lightly on our infertility and then went into light detail on the several "Situations" that didn't work out. I hit heavily on finding a new intimacy with God, and how the mother/child relationship reflects that intimacy. I told the story of holding H's hand and then leaving her to do her Labor. I told them about running down the hallway and leaving my beloved lap top in the lobby and my husband calling me back to get it. : ) And of how we tried to peek ahead to see if Jack was cute in the 5 seconds we had to be subjective before we fell head over heels in love with him. How it took me, the dental assistant, a lifetime to get a pair of gloves on to hold him (because he still had bio hazard on him from his first mom, and that was the Hospital's decision not mine.) How the first night we were together in the hospital, how we fell in love over a bottle of Enfamil. How hard it was to live in limbo while our hearts were so bound to this little boy. How an amazing peace filled my heart the moment the Judge tapped her gavel. And how he was the perfect son for me, and then Jack squealed his agreement. "What more can I say?" I ended with a laugh, and went to go gather my son from his God Mother who had generously taken him to get a diaper changed, because the kid has TIMING! What can I say?

My love to you all, you are all beautiful!

Jewls!!

2010-05-07T14:38:00.000-07:00

Blogger ate your comment. But to answer your question, I am not doing a fantasy baseball team this year. There are just soooo many games to keep up with and soooooo many players! I do have a fantasy football league that I do with my family every year and it's TONS of fun. And I don't Love football the way I love Baseball.

My husband also does several fantasy sports, and is managing three baseball teams this season, I think my brain would explode. I also think it's hilarious how "into it" he is. I am of the "What ever" mindset, but I think he may have a few bucks on the line with his buddies on some of the leagues...I only play for fun...and bragging rights. So far I've been second in my football league for two years running! I will be the champion next year! (or not, it's a random draft.)

So, sorry your comment ended up as a post! : D

What do you think?

2010-05-07T09:19:00.000-07:00

I am so curious! Who are you who read this blog? I know those of you who comment, but, who are you others who don't? I have a ticker that counts hits and tells me on a map where you are from, and I just wonder! Burlington VT, I've been to your beautiful city! I loved shopping there! I loved the pretty Green Mountains, and Ben and Jerry's!

If you read and don't want to comment, that's awesome!

From now on, I'm going to post pictures of "places" who visit my blog. If you are a reader who does not comment and you'd like to submit a picture of your town, please leave me an email with your picture included! kelley@jeremiahandkelley.com I won't pester you with spam, or friend you on facebook I promise!

Burlington, VT This is for you!
And a pic of me and my friend Beth standing on the waterfront:

I realize that this is NOT a Sports blog...but seriously?!

2010-05-06T08:36:00.000-07:00

Don't forget today is the National Day of Prayer maybe while you're praying for the nation you can pray at the end as a Post Script for the National Pass-time.... And with all the controversy surrounding the "Day" I'd just like to say, don't most religions have some form of prayer or meditation? The day is not named "The National Day of Evangelical Christian Prayer." Come on people. (and by people I mean "Other people, not necessarily the readers of this blog!) FOCUS!

In my previous post about Jack's first game, I mentioned that while I keep track of the Seattle M's because they are the "Home Team" here; but that the LA Dodgers and the Anaheim Angels (They will never be the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in my vernacular, but that is a WHOLE other post.) are where my real loyalties lie.

Well, cue the gods of the game. ALL of my teams are playing mediocre baseball these days.

First of all, in the pre-season it was announced that Cliff Lee would join the Mariners, having been traded by the Phillies. I can't find any good footage of his response, but let's say he was "less than thrilled" and you could tell. And as the link states, his agent is pretty sure he's not going to be around for long.

And then....Milton Bradley has a crisis of life and won't be around. I've seen his antics in the past, with the Dodgers. The guy is a JERK. I can't use the word I'd like to as I am a Christian Woman. But let's just say he throws better temper tantrums than any two year old. And now the team gets to pay for what ever counselling the guy feels he needs. Great investment Mariners. And then the GM tells the American Public that The team makes every effort to field a winning team. OH MY WORD HE JUST LIED TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. ON ESPN! He'll never ever be able to run for president...oh wait a second....(did I just make a political referance on my blog? I'm on a roll!)

And then there's this:

The Dodgers turn into the Mariners of the late 90's when their number to purchase tickets was 1-800-NO RELIEF. I'm serious!

To add insult to injury The Angels oh, you guys. You are the least of my complaints, but PLEASE PLAY BALL!

I may convert to Soccer. It's a World Cup Year.

And with that, we are back to our regularly scheduled Programming.

Firsts

2010-05-02T20:33:00.000-07:00

I hope I don't bore people with my ongoing list of firsts with Jack.

It is amazing the joy that it brings both of us to do these "first things". His first diaper was even an awesome thing, and there's a picture of me giving him his first bottle.

I was really worried there would be a serious outburst of emotion this week after finalization happened, but it never came, I am just HAPPY!

First Baseball Game!

That being said, I did nearly cry when Jer and I took Jack to his first Baseball game and all of the ushers gave us baseball cards for him, and the guest services gave us a certificate. I teared up and had to keep my sunglasses on as we trotted through the concourse to the office. Our first Game with our little boy. Ours. I know he won't remember it, but I will remember sitting WAAAAAY up high in the 300 level seats we were given by a friend. Watching the M's play the Rangers and stinking it up so badly that I startled Jack when I yelled at Ichiro so loudly that he probably did hear me from section 328 row 22 seat 5.

Next Friday we're going again and sitting in our favorite seats in the Terrace Club where it isn't quite so windy and chilly. Hopefully the weather will turn and it won't be a cold night.

First Ride on Daddy's Shoulders

Jack's BIG Weekend

2010-04-30T22:02:00.000-07:00

This weekend was also known as "The Weekend Where Jack Earned the Right to be as Fussy as he Wants for the Foreseeable Future"

He really is a little champ. Jack listened intently and seriously as his Mom and Dad were sworn in and promised to be good parents and care for him in every way. He smiled when the lawyer made sure we understood that adoption is permanent and irrevocable. You can not un-adopt.

He even agreed with Mommy that the King County Courthouse is really cool in it's Art Deco interiors.

We were joined at the Court House by My parents Larry and Leslie; Our Social Worker/Friend Becky; and Eric one of Jack's four God Parents.

Then we had a PARTY!!! Baseball was our theme complete with home-run centerpieces. Jack loves his uncle Jared and pats his beard as though it is a pet. He let everyone hold him. He slept in people's arms. He was a trooper. And then we even went bowling later and he slept through it.

Jer's family made the trip up from Portland, as did my brother Jared and his fiancée Wanda; and my youngest brother Brian and his friend Jim.

We were so happy to be putting a period to the end of the legal process!

Sunday we had him Dedicated to the Lord. Our dear friends Christine and Chris and Cheryl and Eric are Jack's God Parents.

It was awesome to present our son to the congregation that had prayed this journey through with us.

Next week I am the main speaker at the Mother's Day Brunch, the theme is "Connecting in Love" and I think I may have a few words to say about that!

What's Jack up to these days?

2010-04-12T14:54:00.000-07:00

Jack, it seems loves to sing. He has the most melodic babel of any baby I've been around! He's music to my ears! He's doing it now! I'll have to get it recorded, but he's one of those camera shy kiddos.

Finalization is fast approaching and I'm so excited!

We went to his 4 month Appointment, and the little man weighs 16lbs 15 oz, and is 26 1/2 inches long! For the percentile watchers, that is the 90th! WOW. Big kid! And the day before his appointment he rolled over for the first time that I actually saw. Now he rolls both directions like he's been doing it all the time!

He's been trying foods. Rice cereal with apple juice or apple sauce (thanks for the tip Melba)and he loves sweet potatoes, he ate nearly an ounce and a half yesterday. He's still drinking bottles a majority of the time, but he was eyeballing our food and waking to the smell of food cooking, so, I asked the DR. if it would be ok, and she was enthusiastic about it. But boy! Diapers are noticeably different!

We sent Jack's Birthmother a birthday card, because today is her birthday! Happy Birthday to a wonderful person, I pray you are taking good care of yourself and that your year is truly blessed by God. (I don't think you read this, but just in case! :))

Love to all!

Easter

2010-04-05T09:38:00.000-07:00

Jer's Grandparents were with us for Easter, and it was fine, but when they come it is all about making sure they have everything they need and it's just crazy busy. Jer sang two solos at church and did very well! Alas, we didn't get any pictures because people rushed me out of the church. When I wanted to get pics with Jack and Jer by the Easter lilies. Oh well!

He is Risen! And THAT is the focus of Easter, not the fact that this is Jack's second "Holy Holiday" :p. I am so grateful for my savior as I sit here reflecting on His Resurrection with the freedom of alone time. Having guests just doesn't allow for much spirituality. So, my favorite song is this:

"CELEBRATE JESUS CELEBRATE!! CELEBRATE JESUS, CELEBRATE! HE IS RISEN! HE IS RISEN! AND HE LIVES FOREVERMORE!!" I miss going to the Nazarene church!

OH...and I spent 1:45 at the Hospital on Saturday Evening, because I tried to amputate my fingertip...I have 6 stitches, one holding my fingernail to the nail bed. Sweet. I was cutting a toy off of a cardboard for Jack. I really don't know what happened after that, as I went into auto and managed to get bandaged up enough to go to the hospital...there are more details, but I'll spare you. :D I'm fine, just sheepish.

cuteness alert

2010-04-02T18:41:00.001-07:00

Jer and Jack are sitting in the recliner by the window and the wild wind was entertaining Jack. Jer says "It's a blustery day in the 100 acre...Seattle." Jack laughed. My cute Husband!

Also, we were watching Bonnie Hunt and Zachary Levi from Chuck was on and the crowd was going nutso, Bonnie says, "you're loved!" and Zachary looks at her and says effusively, "I LOVE YOU!" and Jack replied to Zack in his baby version of "I love you too!" So, when ever anyone says I love you, apparently they're saying it to Jack. :D My cute little boy!

Finalization!

2010-03-31T17:37:00.000-07:00

We are on the Docket!!
April 23rd at 1:30. We're going to do his dedication that weekend and have a BBQ to celebrate the end of the legal process of this journey. It's been a long road with many turns and even some back tracking, but next month will be a good one in the C household!

Neighborhood Safety

2010-03-29T09:02:00.000-07:00

I'd like to propose a movement. As grass roots as it gets. Stick with me, this is completely non-political. It crosses every demographic.

We need to CARE about each other.
When you are at a park, pay attention to everyone, talk to the other parents for a moment, tell them your name, ask them to take a look around the park and pay attention to people who avoid eye contact and seem out of place.

On the street, when you're walking, pay attention. Watch out for the people around you.

My dear friend lost her cousin because people just weren't looking around. Amber DuBois could have been rescued if other people's parents, other adults cared about the people around them more than getting where they were going.

Cell phones are a huge problem, when you drive with them, your world becomes 50% less clear, people disappear, you literally don't see them because your attention is focused on your conversation. Put the phones down, and stop being so centered on your social life and pay attention to your community.

We need to take care of one another, we need to be the first line of defense for our children.

We need to let these creeps know that Mommies and Daddies are their worst nightmares! That not only are we watching them, we're taking care of everyone's children. That I am protecting your children just as ferociously as I protect my own. I will put myself in harms way for your child. I will speak up, and I will be there to protect them.

Amber wasn't my child, she was a friend's relative's child, she and Chelsea King deserved to live. They deserved to be safe. Lindsay Baum deserved to make it to her friend's house. If her neighbors had been watching, just paying attention to their world as they drove or walked or biked through it, They all would have made it safely to their destination.

We can't afford to wait for the government to round up the nasties. The Neighborhood Watch needs to be re-invented and reorganized.

WE the people need to care about one another. No more looking out for #1. We need to look out for the children. And it needs to happen NOW.

/soapbox (I need to go make cookies to take to the neighbors that moved in months ago that I never said hi to).

Missing and Exploited Children

The Day We Met

2010-03-26T15:53:00.000-07:00

Morning began before dawn, it was so dark when the phone woke us from sleep.
Orion's belt was gleaming from the sky as I hurried through the icy cold to wake the neighbors. Your dog needed to be cared for. Daddy took forever to send his work an email, or so it seemed. We drove through a pink and blue dawn toward Mt. Rainer, a beautiful frigid sight, the day you were born. That mountain isn't always out in December, nor is the weather so very cold. Usually the sky is grey with clouds, and rain drizzles through the day, but even the sky felt the joy of my heart the day you became my son.

Oh man.

2010-03-20T19:54:00.000-07:00

My friend's mom just passed away totally unexpectedly. Please keep Jenn Lee in your prayers.

God is Awesome

2010-03-19T21:45:00.000-07:00

I am so thrilled I can't even write! H has a baby!! I'm sure you already read it, but just in case go Here. It seems our hearts must break before they can experience the true joy God has for us. (sometimes anyway) It is my sincere hope that this is their little girl forever.

Speaking

2010-03-18T09:29:00.000-07:00

The three of us were asked to be on the panel of adoptive families on Saturday, Jer isn't much for emotional public speaking, but he knew I would want to do it so he's going and going to hold Jack and I'll talk...but our wait was long, and I want to tell them not to be afraid of a long wait, I believe ours was perfectly planned for Jack's benefit as well as ours. I grew in my faith tremendously in the last six months of our wait, it was a spiritual growth spurt really. And it was trusting God AFTER the events of our second failed placement that was the impetus for that growth.

Is there anything that stands out to you all that I should talk about? HELP!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-17T09:39:00.000-07:00

Pictures

2010-03-14T09:19:00.000-07:00

Would you ladies mind sending me pictures of your lovely families via email? I'd like to make a spot in Jack's album for our "Adoption buddies". The stories of your children have meant a lot to me and still do, If you think it's silly or would rather not be included, I understand! And BY the way, as soon as you who're waiting are placed, I want photos of your families too. There is no time limit. In fact, if you want to send me a photo before you're placed, that is awesome too! In a way all of our stories have come together through blogging and I'd like to commemorate that. kelley at jeremiah and kelley dot com or my other email address if you already have it ;D

In Memoriam Amber LeeAnn Dubois

2010-03-10T15:07:00.000-08:00

Over a year her broken body lay undiscovered. For over a year her family couldn't and wouldn't give up on finding her. I prayed daily that she would be one of the stories of homecoming. Sadly, on Sunday evening, I was informed that she would not. My heart breaks for a family that will miss her forever.

Here for more info.

Jack

2010-03-08T18:48:00.001-08:00

I'd like to thank the Academy...

2010-02-23T20:09:00.000-08:00

Thank you to Jen at Waiting for Bambino and to Melba who originally awarded me with the Beautiful Blogger Award, and I hope they both know that the feeling is mutual.

The only person I want to give this award to at the moment is H. She has endured a really rough month, and I am so very inspired by her courage. She is a true Steel Magnolia and I am very proud of the true Gut Faith she has shown the last few weeks. It is my most sincere hope that the baby that is hers will find her very soon. We share a hope in the Lord and as a sister in Christ, I pray for her, love her and honor her in this very difficult time. Take a moment if you can to give her a bit of love, as she deserves to be lifted up in our prayers tonight and in our thoughts always.

Seven Random things:
7. I am a hilarious drunk. I've only really been that way a couple times, but there is singing in Spanish involved in both instances.

6. I love it when children are themselves. I find an honest child moment to be so much more endearing than a well behaved child.

5. My favorite thing about being a mother is the way my son smiles at me and babels his version of " I love you" It is so heart melting and awesome.

4. When I clean the house, I clean in my pj's and don't shower until I'm finished. I love being the first person to get ready in the clean bathroom. :D

3. I am writing a book.

2. I always manage to take my socks off in the middle of the night, there is always a collection at the foot of the bed when we change the sheets.

1. I love being a Stay at Home Mom. I have never had a career that is better than this. I feel like I'm living my dreams.

So, When are you going to go on the list for another baby?

2010-02-15T09:07:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends, please know I'm not blogging about you.(It is perfectly fine for friends and family to ask this question, at least to me.) It is a good question, I'm sure people ask it when you give birth as well, it just sounds more like this: "so, when are you going to have another baby?"

But for fringe people who just happen to know that we're adopting J. It seems like they think I'm a collector or a baby hoarder or something. And they ask like the last 15 months of waiting has been no big deal. I've said before I'm a one thing at a time kind of girl. I'm sure there will be a time when it just seems like the "right" time. That time is just not right now.

We have a meeting with a lawyer to sign the Adoption Petition on Wednesday, It seems so intimidating to say that we're Petitioning the Superior Court of our county. Exciting but intimidating. My mom's cousin is a Los Angeles Superior Court Judge and he's the nicest guy in the world. So, hopefully we'll get a Judge like him.

So I suppose the answer to the question is: at least after we finalize this one.

Lord, Please continue to give H & D peace as they wait for their son to become their son. I pray earnestly that your will be done, and that what ever happens you are glorified through the events as they take place.
Amen

Blog PS. Justice William W. Bedsworth writes a blog that is HILARIOUS and informative at the same time. Sometimes it's not funny, but he manages to make things very readable and interesting that others would find dry. A Criminal Waste of Space

Finding Courage

2010-02-12T09:32:00.000-08:00

Ever have a thing happen that bothers you for years? It happens and you're wounded for years and every time you pass the place where it happens you get a little sick inside?

My birthday Feb. 5, 2002: I was working for a dentist on the East Side, and had been there about 18 months. While he wasn't the most awesome boss I'd ever had, he was ok, and I wasn't planning to quit. He was having a slow time due to the economic downturn after the events of September 11, 2001 and Boeing had just gone through a layoff.

My birthday rolled around, and we had a little lunch and a cake. Then at the end of the day he called me into his office and layed me off. It felt like getting fired. And it was my birthday. Not the day before my birthday, not the week of my birthday, it was my birthday.

Jerk.

I was a bit of a wreck to say the least. He then jerked me around about vacation, I had to write him a letter and sent a copy to my parent's friend who is an attorney. That shaped him up. I never would have sued him, but he needed to know that I wasn't going to let it go, I had earned that pay.

So, what is the point and how does this apply to the theme of this journal?

J. has given me strength. I am his mother and when you're someone's mother you can't walk around the pretty town and shrink like a wilted Pansy when you walk by the building where you used to work. You just can't.

It took me three tries. I walked past with J. and Chief three weeks in a row...once I'd even walked halfway up the drive and turned my tail in fear and left. Even the time I finally walked through the door, I almost bailed out. I mean, this man had ruined my birthday for years! And I drive past this place to go to church, I can see it from my church...well nearly... I know it's there hiding behind the other building...

I needed to go in and deal with my feelings. And, I wanted to get in touch with a friend from there. So, I turned back around and tied the dog to the post and went in.(J and our friend L. in her stroller) I talked to the receptionist for a moment and gave her my information to give to my old friend, and then asked to see the Dr.

He came out and looked like he'd seen a ghost. He was afraid of me after all these years. Seriously? He looked even shorter and smaller than he actually was. I looked at him and realized I didn't need to say anything about what had happened in the past. He was reliving it right then. So, I introduced him to my baby and my dog and explained who L. was, asked him about his family and then left.

Feeling lighter than I had in years. I can walk past that building and it's just a place I used to work. No more sick. No more bitter feelings and my first birthday as a mother was Awesome!

Dear Lord Jesus,
Thank you for giving me spine enough to see how small a man I used to work for, how with you I need not fear any one. That I am strong in you, and as a mom. Because while a mother can't be afraid, I know it was you that gave me the final shove to be stronger than I was in that moment. And you gave me the strength to be gracious. To be kind and polite and even nice to a man who had treated me horribly on top of meanly. Thank you for helping me live your word without realizing it at the time. I think that's how we know it's really you. Our response to stimuli is different than our nature would have us respond.
You truly are an amazing God. And I am changed in your presence.
Amen

Then again, maybe I won't take a break.

2010-02-09T15:50:00.000-08:00

I want to be an encouragement to others, I always want to be encouraging, even to the point of relaying my selfishness to others, but in doing so sometimes it sounds like (Boasting? Judgement? condescension?) you pick.

I am not a judgmental person, if someone asks my opinion I give it. I don't expect them to like it, or to go with my opinion. I tell it the way I see it, and if they're asking me a question about how I do something, I tell them like I did it. Sometimes I forget that people aren't like me. They don't just go with their own gut even when people tell them they did it differently. I just assume people want the story. I forget that sometimes when people ask for your story/take that they are in the most stressful situation of their life and just want someone to hold their hand, to pray for them and to take care of their feelings.

I'm sorry if I failed in that sense today or yesterday.

I'm taking a blog hiatus

2010-02-09T11:20:00.000-08:00

friend me at http://kittyc1978.livejournal.com/ if you have an LJ...if not you can comment on public entries with your open id there.

The Net...does it bring out the best in you?

2010-02-04T08:25:00.001-08:00

I try to blog with a conscience. I try to avoid attacking others and posting the worst side of myself, the dark and sinful thoughts that come out of no where that really come directly from my sin-nature. I was reading this and wondered, do the people who do constantly post harsh things ever think about what their words reflect on themselves? That their words paint them to be a person I wouldn't smile at on the street? Do they care?

I do care. When I walk down a street in Seattle I smile at people, and I'd like it if they smiled back.

From this point forward when I encounter those harsh posts, I am going to make an effort to do two things:

1. Not comment.
2. If I must comment, do so with a kind spirit not one that grows the darkness

Little Boy

2010-02-02T14:48:00.000-08:00

Just a few moments ago I was sitting on my couch feeding my little boy and looking into his big blue eyes and for just a second I saw the big boy he is going to become. He's wearing overalls and shoes that are a bit too big for him today and my minds eye jumped forward to a 4 year old in the same clothes with a cap on sideways or something and I couldn't help but smile. Visions of T-ball and tricycles danced in my head and I was reminded again how good God is. How he answered my secret (Well not extremely publicized) desire for a son. I love little girls, but to me there is nothing that makes me smile bigger than a naughty little boy. Not the obnoxious terrible child naughty, just the "get into trouble" Dennis the Menace kind of naughty. The kind of naughty that most little boys can't help being. Curious and energetic and just plain fun.

Thank you Lord, for giving me a son. I love him from the tips of his hair to the toes of his stinky little feet. You've put a miracle in my life, you've made me a mother, you've made us a family and for J. and his birthfamily I thank you.
Amen

Here's to the Full Moon!

2010-01-29T20:34:00.000-08:00

Tonight's full moon will be the brightest of the year. Here's hoping it's good luck and induces many a waiting family's dreams.

My Diaper Bag

2010-01-28T16:30:00.000-08:00

Any one who knows me well, knows that I could care less about designer labels. I like things that FIT, WORK, and DON'T Break.

I scoffed at the pictures of stars carrying around a 168.00 diaper bag. I said, "Oh please, why would anyone spend that kind of money on a bag to carry diapers in. Then a friend of mine at bible study walked up the three flights of stairs with the infant seat and her hand on the rail, and her bag firmly on her back and not sliding off and causing a minor catastrophe. Now, I know many people who carry purses and big bags around like it's no big deal, with ease and grace the thing just floats on as though an angel is holding it on the shoulder with no cares in the world. I am NOT one of those women. My purses slip off,I have to hold them on or uncomfortably hitch my shoulder and add an infant seat? PUH LEEZ can we say wreck waiting to happen? And then Petunia Pickle Bottom Entered my life. Thank you Petunia for your versatile bag configuration, not to mention the built in changing station that makes any old counter a comfy place to change my little monkey!

Seriously, it hold's J's stuff AND mine in an organized and non "whinnie the pooh" fashion.

The Fear of "what if"

2010-01-22T09:50:00.000-08:00

J and I were walking with Chief yesterday, (thank you Lord for El Nino and the gorgeous weather!) I walked on a more "main road" that isn't configured the way most are, instead of sidewalks there are curbs that act as barriers from the "car area" and then a glorified bike lane with an open ditch on the other side. I should take a picture.
Anyway, as I walked an SUV came around a corner behind me tires squealing and sort of thumped over the little curb as it took the corner a little too sharply. Now, it really wasn't that close, but what if it had been? The little man, the dog and I would have been tossed into the open ditch, and at the very least, we would be really really gross and cold. The worst would have brought injury, loss of my dog, possibly my kiddo and I seriously had to pull myself back from the edge and remind myself that nothing had happened. NOTHING. In my head I was ready to never walk that way again, to always use the "safer" back roads. My rational and faithful mind kicked those thoughts aside and I came home to find that my pastor had written a little something about fear. I was glad I wasn't the only one with fear on my mind.

I'm so thankful for the watch-care of my Savior and His crew of angels charged over me and my family.

Today I face another fear: leaving my baby with someone other than his daddy. I left him with my mom once to go to the store, but in my mind that really doesn't count as it was only 30 minutes and about 15 minutes into that, Jer came home.

Jer's Winter Party for his work is tonight, and I "have" to get dressed up and go, our dear and trusted friends "The Sisters" Christine and Cheryl will be watching the little man, and I'm so glad I have friends I trust! I know we'll have fun, and I am confident that "The Sisters" can handle my little guy. But still! O MY!

Five Hours!

2010-01-15T13:09:00.000-08:00

I hope that happens again!!

First Post Placement Visit

2010-01-14T11:02:00.000-08:00

Last Friday Becky came by for our first post placement visit. I don't know why an official visit feels different than when I drop by to say hi. I know there are no fears of J.C. leaving us. I suppose it is left-over angst.

Becky had a state form she filled out as she asked us the questions on it. I showed her pictures of the holidays with the family and how happy everyone was to welcome the little man into our family. It was really very low key. And I'm always happy to see Becky! But the formality of the situation must be respected, at least in my mind, so that is probably where the nerves kick in, that and I forgot to dust my mantle! :D

Our next visit is in February and I think our state only requires two visits, maybe a third, Becky left a packet that should tell me, but essentially the next step is contacting a lawyer and getting a hearing on the books and having a party set up!

Becky did ask us if we would adopt again, and I do think it is in our future, I'm kind of a "one thing at a time" kind of woman, I like to get the current situation fully under control before I look to the next thing. But J. will have sibling(s). That is what I know.

Tomorrow we have our official "Church Shower" thrown by our women's committee "Titus II". I'm really looking forward to it, so many of these women prayed for us on a daily basis and really kept us in their hearts during our waiting time. It will be really special to have some time to thank them individually. It seems like there is never enough time before or after church.

This is just...AWESOME!

2010-01-05T21:05:00.000-08:00

I am not a morning person. I don't do well on minuscule amounts of sleep. But you know what? I don't care! I'm having the best time waking up to feed my frantic son. The only time he flips out is when he wakes up hungry. We sleep from midnight to four am in the recliner and then we eat, and migrate to the bedroom with Jer. For some reason this works. In two months we'll work on getting him into his crib, but for now, he sleeps, I sleep and daddy (who has to work) sleeps!

This little man is just, so!! I am loving every moment I spend with him. My whole life I've been waiting to do this, and now that it's here, I am not disappointed. I am blown away by the absolute joy of it all.

When we first brought J. home, someone asked me if it was surreal. I have to say that it isn't. It is SO REAL! I practice yoga, which trains you to be in the moment, and I've never found it more valuable than this time with J. I spend a very little time planning things out for the future, I do it, it gets done, I have plans. But I spend more time taking in every little experience I have with this amazing little boy. He loves kisses, he does the whole open mouth thing and smiles when I give him big smooches and say "MWAH!" I swear he has a sense of humor already!

And he's a month old!!!

Post: 200 and Great News to share!

2009-12-31T10:03:00.000-08:00

H, J.C.'s Birthmom became certain of who his father was when the pregnancy was redated, and our efforts to locate him for notification and possible TPR, was hindered by the fact that he is in the military and stationed overseas. We prayed and prayed and prayed, both for his safety and for his communication with us.

Becky had left him her phone number in a message on his social networking site, and it took a month or so, but he called! He called and apologized for being out of range and not calling sooner. Even though he is hesitant to say that the baby is his, he would sign termination papers anyway. The lawyer for Bethany sent them in an email, and two hours later, they were signed and in his hands. He is terminating today. This means we can look at March or April for our finalization, and the fact that J. is really going to be ours forever has begun to hit us. We cried together when we heard that he'd contacted Becky, and this morning, we're just so relieved and thankful that our dream of a child filled family is going to be a permanent thing.

So, with that, I'd like to say: Happy New Year to you all!! And thank you for your prayers!

The little man is Two weeks old!

2009-12-17T17:26:00.000-08:00

I never knew a fortnight could go by so quickly. Wimbledon always seems so long... :D

We tried to change formula to one that was a little thinner, with less iron (by .3mg/100cal) but that backfired, the kid likes what he likes! So we're just hoping it was coincidental that he had a hard time the other day. Probably shouldn't make determinations on such a limited amount of data. The stats get skewed!

Picture(s) of the day

2009-12-09T12:16:00.001-08:00

I couldn't decide Ergo...two pictures

So, we had an eventful week last week!

Tueday the 1st I got a fun email from my caseworker that said the Due date had been moved up, you all remember that!
well Wednesday was quiet, so quiet that I don't really remember what I even did, I remember thinking I should have taken some stuff back to Sephora that I wasn't really happy with, but...didn't.

Thursday morning around 6pm my cell rang in the kitchen, it is out there because it's a "smart" phone and makes noise all night, anyway I couldn't get to it in time and it went to VM. Well my mom doesn't even call me that early so, we knew it was most likely "the call". Jer's phone ringing seconds later pretty much confirmed it.

It was Becky! And Jer kept the call, so I don't know exactly what was said except that H. was at the Hospital and we should probably get going. Well, the flight of the bumblebee ensued. Jer got on line to let his work know what was going on, I got in the shower and out of the shower and then dried my hair as fast as I could. It was seriously cold outside and I would have been miserable not having dry hair. Then I scurried around getting clothes on, dumping my counter into a bag, and writing a note to the neighbors on how to take care of the dog. I nearly did the spits on the icy front deck, Stupid Uggs. What was I thinking??

By the time I got back from the neighbor's house Jer was out of the shower so we got our other gear together and got in the car.

We didn't even stop at Starbucks, because we were on the border line of hitting really crappy Seattle/Tacoma traffic. I updated my facebook from my phone several times whining about the traffic and letting people know where we were.

We got to the Hospital and checked in with the Family Birth Center and made ourselves comfortable. The hospital social worker was amazing, very sweet woman who made sure everything was in order. We got some coffee and then the nurse came out and talked with us. Something on our faces must have looked worried, because about 30 minutes later the nurse came back out and told me that H wanted to talk to me. So, I went back.

I hadn't seen her since our first meeting, and was pleasantly greeted by the same face I remembered. She told me that the nurse had mentioned we looked nervous, and she wanted me to know that this was "going to happen" in her words. I smiled and told her that I believed her, that our nerves were more from anticipation than fear, and we were really excited to be meeting our little guy that day.

We talked for another few minutes and in those few minutes, I probably saw more of her real life than I had at our first meeting. She mentioned that she chose us because she wanted him to be safe, and we were safe. I never realized how vulnerable she felt at home. I would have taken her into ours if I had known that things were so scary for her.

A few minutes later, she went into transition, and I politely excused myself. "I'll let you know if I need you" she said, "I really like talking with you." I agreed and squeezed her hand and I left to let her do her thing.

About 15 minutes later our case worker Becky came in. She looked really cute in her red coat.

About an hour later the Doctor came out and said, "Would you like to meet your son?" I was so excited I jumped up and was half way to the sliding door when Jer said, hey kel, you going to leave your stuff there? I grabbed my computer bag and purse and raced back to the door. She lead us back through the Special Care Nursery which was AMAZING. I'll post pictures so you can see how beautiful it is.

In the Stabilization area, on a warmer was the most beautiful little boy I have ever seen. All gooey from delivery, he sat there staring around at the world. He was so alert and wide eyed. Since he had been living inside H, the nurse asked us to wear gloves, I've never had a harder time putting on a pair of gloves in my life, and I don and doff probably 20 pairs of gloves a day at work, if not more, so this was a real irony in my head!

We spent the next few minutes admiring this miracle before our eyes.

His blood sugar was a little low, so we got to feed him almost immediately. After he'd been fed and burped, I told him how much we loved him and that we've loved him since we heard about him and probably much longer.

The nurse in Special Care asked us if one of us wanted to stay with him at night for the 48 hours before he would be discharged. I said, "please!" and not too long later they showed us to one of their sleep in nursery rooms. It had a twin murphy bed. It was awesome. I have never seen a Special Care Nursery like it. Apparently a benefactor's will had provided for the unit to be remodeled and some one put together a dream unit. Where most units would be partitioned by curtains, this one was little "suites" surrounding the nurse's station. and at one end there were three or four sleep in rooms. So courtesy of the state, I got to spend the whole time with my son.

Jer stayed with us during the day. He left around 10 the first night and I began my little adventure with my boy in the overnight hours. The room was mostly white and reflected light everywhere, and the blanket was light so I had trouble sleeping. I did doze a good 2 hours though. The activity in the Nursery was a little troubling as well, babies in incubators and IV's and stuff. I didn't look long, I wanted to respect their privacy, but curiosity is one of my faults. I really tried to stay out of the way!

J.C. and I got into a routine of eating, changing and sleeping, (Mostly him with the sleeping :)) The nurse (Marlo) would come in and do his vitals while I got his bottle ready, she was so sweet! Then we'd chat a little, I really liked her. She did his PKU test at about 5am.

Around 6am the Doctor from the day before came in and told me how she had been insistent that she get to meet the adoptive parents. We talked a bit about H's health history and I told her how much I respected and appreciated H. Then she told me that H. had related the same thing to her about me.

Jer and I watched movies and cuddled with our little guy. We watched: The Incredibles, Pirates of the Caribbean, and While you were Sleeping. The Oregon Civil war game came on or we would have watched "A Nightmare Before Christmas" too. Do you see the pattern? :D

The hearing test came next and his hair made it tough to keep the sensors on his ears! He looked like a little man wearing a pair of headphones under a stocking cap. We nicknamed him "i-pod baby"

That evening I took the gift I'd chosen for H. to the nurses desk. Later H. sent me a note telling me how much she liked it. I sent a note back telling her how much we loved her. She sent one back asking what we'd named "Him" The nurse was getting a kick out of being our courier. The nurse came back and said, "she likes it! and goodnight" I laughed and said goodnight too.

Jer had also brought my favorite quilt with him to help me sleep a little better. It worked. The little guy and I were like clockwork that night. Kari our night nurse that night was wonderful, She did his Hep B vaccine because I wasn't pleased with the charge nurses during the day. The blood test for his billirubin levels was a NIGHTMARE! I asked that the Phebotomist come and do the re-draw if it was necessary. I don't think that nurse liked me very much after that! (oh. well.) The Phlebotomoist was awesome! He came in and had all the tricks and was done in short order. Poor baby that was his 5th heel stick in 24 hours! So my night with Kari was wonderful. We got along as well as Marlo and I had the night before. We fed, changed and did the vitals as J. woke and such, while I was feeding him (sitting cross legged on my bed) she came in and laughed. "I forgot that you hadn't delivered him and was astonished by how mobile you are!" Then she asked me about how our whole adoption experience went, and that, is the first time I've ever told the whole thing from start to birth. I cried, she cried, J. cried. It was wonderful!

Anyway Vicky the morning nurse (a float from Labor and Delivery) greeted us and let us know that the Pediatrician would do the discharge order as soon as she saw the baby and we would be on our way!

There are so many little things that sprang up around the experience, things that I would never change, even though is wasn't "convenient" like having to eat in the waiting room and wondering if someone was going to walk in on me in the shower :P. Because that is what makes the story ours.

I'm sure there are more stories to tell, but they'll come out in smaller bits along the way.

Anyway, that is our story!

Thank You!

2009-12-07T12:24:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who have stopped by to congratulate us! It is really a blessing to have so many people excited about Baby J.C. :D

OK! More pictures!

2009-12-06T21:41:00.000-08:00

And we got the bottle situation sorted! Apparently, the bottles I used as a child are still on the market and are the ones he likes. Go figure the cheapest bottles that have always been bpa free, are the ones he likes best. Funny baby!

Home!

2009-12-06T14:40:00.000-08:00

So, we're home! And it really is wonderful to be here. To have our little boy at home with us, is just a dream come true. I can't quit smiling. And little J.C. is doing well. He's eating like a pro and poopin like one too! We have a Dr.s apt tomorrow at 2 so we'll just make sure that little guy is doing as well as I think he is!

Last night, our first at home, we discovered that those awesome nipple ready bottles from the hospital don't come with the nipples...the only ones the dude really likes, HATES the playtex nurser, all styles I might add, and the Nuby Variable flow is not working as well as I'd like and making the little pal frustrated, so I must see what I can do about "loosening" them or figure out where to get the little disposable ones he loved so much. I just love being a mom, who knew you could write a whole post about bottles! Might have to bite the bullet and Try Dr Browns!

Baby J. C. Our little monkey

2009-12-03T14:27:00.001-08:00

There were days when I thought this would never come.

Saw H

2009-12-03T10:15:00.000-08:00

Talked to H in her room, she was going into transition as we finished talking, poor thing! She's just the same woman we met over a month ago. We decided we liked talking to each other :D

Soon!

We're here!

2009-12-03T09:22:00.000-08:00

Traffic was good and we got here from Seattle in 1hr 20 min! Not bad!
H is expected to deliver by lunch time and after she takes her time with the baby we will take over his care in the nursery. The nursery is awesome. The babies have their own little room with a place for me to sleep and Jer has vowed to stay in the waiting room tonight. Sweet man. The nurses are very nice, as is the hospital social worker. Becky will be here around noon or so, and Ashley should be here around 2. Albert the Lawyer is making his rounds at the court and all is going well.

Above all else we hope H is healthy and as comfortable as possible, and that the baby will be born safely.

I was awake when the phone rang at 6, but it was in the kitchen. Jer spoke with Becky and I hurried into the shower and dumped my bathroom counter into the bag while jer did some work stuff, and then showered. While he was in the shower I ran across the street to the neighbor's house with a note telling them to feed the dog and cat. I nearly broke my neck on our icy front deck...need to get that salted! Threw my computer into the bag and we were off! Thankfully we've been packed for weeks! :D
So, we're waiting and praying and very thankful for all of the wonderful prayers being prayed over everyone involved.
Love and thanks to all!

This looks like my life

2009-12-02T11:03:00.001-08:00

HOLY COW!!!!

2009-12-02T10:22:00.000-08:00

H's due date was moved up to TOMORROW! When did that happen?????? :D

Something to Say

2009-11-30T15:18:00.000-08:00

I started this blog, because I had something to say, not that I cared who would read it. Now I know who is reading it and I love some of you like sisters, I know some of you in "real life", and some I'd love to know in real life! But I still write because I have things to say. Things that sometimes don't come out the way I want them to, word choices suck, or sound different to your ear than mine, they float around most times with out context. And almost all of you "get it" with out needing further explanation. And I can't tell you how that bolsters me. That a great majority of you know that what I say, I mean in the most sincere, honest and good way possible.

What a gift that is, to have strangers like me and what I say without qualification and to have your regard even if you don't always agree with the things I say or do. To have made friends with you and for you to share your lives with me is something I am incredibly thankful for. I started out not caring about who was reading, and now a year (give or take)later I care about all of you, especially those of you who support me with comments and emails of support and friendship. Thank you for making this a fun thing to do while I've waited and still wait. I am so grateful for you.

(and while I sit here typing and watching Phenomenon "on demand" can I just say Kyra Sedgwick is amazingly pretty when she cries? And John Travolta, he just seems like a guy you'd like to grab coffee with!)

Overnight Baby Sitting

2009-11-29T21:24:00.000-08:00

We were driving home from Portland and I got a phone call from our friends; they wanted to go out on a date, and wondered if we would watch their little girl. Lily is 3 months old and a real sweetie, we've enjoyed her visits in the past and then her mom asked, "So, would you mind keeping her until the morning we'll come get her at church?" I hesitated a second, I love children and have been watching them overnight for years, but in all of my experience I've never had a baby that young stay over at my house, and it was a little scary. But, we had a great time.

Lily made us look good, you know, like we knew what we were doing!

I sneaked in the side door at church to avoid the "OMG you have a baby!" stares and explaining that it wasn't my baby. It bothers me when people do that. I'm not sure why...perhaps it's just the assumption, It used to bug me with my friends Carley and Gavin too. It doesn't bother me enough to stop taking care of them though! Perhaps it's because I don't like to disappoint people, they are so ready to be happy for me that it stings to let them down.

It did give me an idea of how little sleep I will soon be living on...and all I can say is that I'd better have the coffee pot set to start brewing for Jer in the morning! :D

The Trend Continues

2009-11-28T21:58:00.000-08:00

Over the last year or so, I've discovered that people are more than willing to discuss their adoption stories with me. Some want to give advice regarding openness, all who were't open adoptees seem to agree that open adoptions would have benefited their lives in some way, this weekend I learned that a couple my brother hangs out with were both adopted and they are very excited about our pending adoption. It was nice to talk with them about it and I hope to have them for a resource in the future.

11 days plus to go and I'm continually amazed by the fact that in such a short time, our family of two will be a family of three! Chief and Abbey are pretty sure something is up, everything is getting "Super Cleaned" and they want to know where all their floor fur went! :D

Thanksgiving Fun!

2009-11-28T20:14:00.000-08:00

She loves her uncle Jer!

We had Dinner with Jer's family this year, it was great! Jer's cousin Aaron had a little girl last March and it was so much fun to have a kiddo around the table.

We're doing better

2009-11-25T20:56:00.000-08:00

Jer and I are doing just fine, it seemed for a while that things had gotten thrown up in the air and were suddenly less certain than they had been in previous weeks. I sincerely believe that it was just a time when we had to look at our own faith and see where we need to work on strengthening our relationship with the Lord. Even though I was wigging out, I still felt in my heart that things were going to be fine, and I woke up with a song in my heart and then a similar one on the radio in the car on the way to work. The Gist? Peace Be Still and know that I am God, and I've got this.
Only after I heard that in my heart and believed it, did the information come. I don't do well without information. Beth Moore wrote in her "Esther" study that we feel most out of control when we are high on emotion and low on information. I think she was in my head when she wrote that.

I had a big old ugly cry last night. And Jer and I talked about our frustration. Jer mentioned as I left for work this morning that he felt like things would be better today. Becky called me while I was with a patient, and I called her back on my break, and I was reassured by everything she said. Praise God for a wonderful caseworker.

I am so thankful that this year I have someone to look forward to.

Of course this was all happening while I was dealing with what to do with my privacy settings. I am not going private, but I have decided that I'm not allowing comments by people who don't have a Blogger account. (This sucks because my pal Jen C doesn't have a blog here. But we're pals on Facebook. If anyone else would like to be facebook buddies, please leave a comment with your name, or email address and I'll friend you. I won't post your comment :D.)

I also worked up the gumption to post a response to that webzine owner who posted my blog on their site. I let them know that I am a kind person who would never dismiss their feelings toward their personal adoption experience, and that I hoped that they would find blessings from God and happiness. I also extended my prayers to "him" and to the people he has posted on "his" site.

While I will not accept or apply his opinion on my blog, I do believe he's entitled to it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm wiped out!

2009-11-24T21:32:00.000-08:00

How tired can a girl get?

Please pray for our encouragement. We're having a tough week.

The Blind Side

2009-11-20T22:59:00.001-08:00

Who knew I loved football?

This week has been tough. Personally and blogally. And this film was the medicine I needed.

Let me tell you something about loss.

It is everywhere. No matter where we go or what we do we will lose people we love. And the hardest thing I ever had to reconcile was the fact that my family would begin with someone else's loss. That the very first experience in the life of my child would be the loss of the mother he knew in the womb.

We all experience loss and we all enter this world with missing pieces. At some point in our lives we come to a place where we see the world in its imperfection, we see how broken we are. And there is no hope for us. Desperation is the cause of madness, the cause of hate and the cause of bitterness. If we are very fortunate, there is someone we love; or at that point when we are so broken that it's impossible that we can love others, let alone ourselves; that someone loves us enough to show us the picture and person of Jesus Christ through their actions. They feed us, they clean us up, they trust us with a place in their home and they make us their child. By law or not they have adopted us. If we are fortunate. If we are not, we become a person so different from who we were born to be that, when we look at ourselves in the mirror, it is impossible to meet our own gaze. Loss is inevitable, but from loss miracles can happen.

Wealthy interior designers from Tennessee can take in an impoverished and broken boy who'd been crushed by his mother's addiction and love him so much; that he calls her momma and would fight to the death anyone who dared threaten her.

A woman who's body doesn't function the way it should, can have a son. A boy who would never know the love of a father, can have a good man to look up to and to help him become a good man, so that he can raise his children to be good people. And the woman who was balancing several other children on a budget the width of a thread, can continue to hang in there and have a chance at getting to a better place in life instead of further in debt, more dependent on the government or the charity of others. She can help herself to better standing with the knowledge that her baby is being loved and cared for, and she isn't hidden from him.

The thing about adoption is this: you take two lives ripped up by loss and you put them together. Then you pour out your soul of love into that brokenness and you grieve your losses together. Then you move forward; undoubtedly there will be things to grieve again when every milestone makes that loss poignant. But you move forward and you make something good out of the ashes of what is devistating.

A girl in my office today said, "Sixteen years without my mother, I would be sad, but my life wouldn't be about me if I lived with her. My life would be about her addiction. And God knows what I would have lost if I hadn't been adopted." She didn't quite understand why I cried, she had no idea what had happened this week.

So why am I doing this? Why am I taking a little boy from his biological/first parents? Because God knows what he will lose if I don't. And for me, that is enough.

Go see that movie. It is Great.