Monday, February 16, 2009

State of the Mom, 2009

It's been awhile since I wrote a "How I am" post. So here it goes:

Jer and I were pretty disappointed by our let down last month. It still seems like it was last week that we were so upset. I think it's bruised us a little. We've both been avoiding the topic of adoption, which is a little difficult since we had to go get printed, and go to the agency to get some things notarized for the "Annual paper renewal" required by the State of Washington.

When we took the paperwork down to Bethany, I noticed a "For Rent" sign on the building, which confused me, they were still there but I asked them what the sign was about and they then told us they were moving the office to Lake City(same distance from our house, just a different direction). Which is fine, but for some reason it really shook me up. I suppose all of my images of meeting with a birthmom were in a little room that I'd been in before. In truth it really doesn't matter "Where" the office is, but I was comfortable with the "idea" of the Shoreline location. I liked that it was on the way to softball, I'd look for the sign when we drove to the games in the summer. It wasn't on our usual route, but it was somewhere I'd been before. Lake City isn't that far from my house, and more than likely it is a better location for visibility in general, but I almost never go to Seattle and I don't usually go that way. In all likely hood we never would have really used that room, but in my mind it was a familiar place.

In other news, I've been taking a college level Bible class about the Parables of Christ. I've taken a lot of pleasure in learning again. It's a nice change from the daily work, workout, go home schedule of the week. We got our taxes done and don't owe the government, and I thank them for their interest free savings account plan J. The guy who does our taxes really wants us to get a baby soon, he bookmarked our profile at Bethany and promised to pray for us.

An unmarried friend of mine from Middle School told me she's pregnant and due in September, she wanted to tell me before people started commenting on her facebook. I thought that was really sweet of her to warn me. She was on the boarder-line of apologizing to me for getting pregnant when I stopped her and told her how much I love babies and pregnant ladies. To me they symbolize hope and life. It's things like the Louisiana woman who tossed her newborn into a lake that worried me; and the baby hoarder from California and the media's willingness to pay her for her story. And the "Pregnant man" being the "pregnant man again", and my friend Andrea telling me she's giving up on trying to get pregnant in two months. These things make me sad, not my friend having a baby! Jealous of her yes, but in a good way if there is a good way to be jealous!

All in all I'm fine, I'm waiting, I'm a little heart sick, I have a cold, and I'm tired. I want to be a mom more than ever, and I'm really excited to see what is next…I'm just a little scared that there won't be anything next. And that is the state of this mom in waiting for now.

Dear Lord,

Please help me to be encouraged and not discouraged, to be expectant and not pessimistic. And encourage my sweet husband.

Thank you for your sovereignty and for your plan.

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