I'm hiding out at a local cafe while (avoiding the bang bang of the roofers) while jack naps. I still love yesterday and it will remain a favorite memory forever.
Edit: (my fingers got tired of i phone typing)
I can still feel the slow motion realization, seeing S's head in the shopping cart and thinking, he has a good head, and such fun spiky hair! Recognizing E. but not being able to place her, (this happens to me alllll the time because I used to meet 100 people a week at the dentist office and they never remembered me because my mask blocked my good looks LOL)
I said in a comment to Jamie, that it was the GRAVITY of realizing that H's two boys were in the same airspace at the same time. My longing for her grew tenfold. I miss that woman, I want her to see the family she helped create. The boys have separate families, but we have formed a new kind of family, one that is related only by her. What can you call that but love? Someday she will decide that she wants or needs to see her boys, and she will find a loving and accepting extended family waiting for her with open and eager arms.
Some people will not understand. My mother doesn't get it. Some people will think we are out of our minds, but who are we to stand in God's way? I suddenly understand how Missionaries must feel. People say to them: "I just couldn't live that way!" I suddenly see their faith. They live their lives "Wide Open" as Rebekah from Heart Cries would say. We are all meant to live wide open to God, we shouldn't fear what He has for us, because for what He ordains, He provides means for. What is He knocking on your heart about?
I know when I first met E and her husband, I felt God's impression on me that they were important people. I liked them and wanted to know them, I wish now that I had had the guts to just break the "we are all waiting for the same baby" tension and just have invited them over for dinner that week, we would have had a head start on all of this! But, God's timing is His, and I believe we had our hearts guarded for our own process as well as H's. I am just so thrilled at the possibilities! We can have so much fun together! And our boys have the opportunity to know each other with out awkward mommies and daddies freaking out and pushing them together but not wanting to be friends!
God is just sooooo good.
GOD! You are so good to us, you create your world with such decadence. You give such fantastic gifts. Thank you for my son, thank you for E's son, thank you for H and her love for her sons! Thank you for revealing your plans in your time so I can feel like this! Thank you for the miracle of open adoption and for the joy of trailblazing new family ties. Thank you for your Son, and making it possible to have brothers and sisters in faith.