I'm not sure how many of the people who read this blog are Christians, I'm not going to do a poll on that, but I am going to warn the non-Christian readers that this entry may sound a little strange if you don't believe that there is a spiritual battle over our souls that rages on a daily basis and even in our sleep.
I firmly believe that God has a plan for my life and that He has good things in mind.
Tuesday night and Wednesday morning there was a windstorm that woke me up out of a dream. I felt like Dorothy in the Wizzard of Oz and my house was going to be swept away. Then as I lie there tossing and turning, and unable to sleep, a terrible cold feeling gripped my heart and thoughts of darkness filled my brain, "you're never going to be a mother, you're not good enough, if you were meant to have a baby, you would be able to give birth to your own."
(Edit jan 2, 09: the above paragraph and the topic "Leap" below would be an example of getting an email mid blog...to finish my above thought please read on: As the wind raged and the feeling of being singled out by the "Spirit of Discouragement" I began to worry, and then, I got ticked off. I began to pray and repeat several praise songs over and over in my head, and eventually I was able to fall asleep again, though not very deeply. I awoke at the time I should have been leaving for work, and even though I was in a hurry, I prayed "Lord, I'm struggling, I know you have a plan, but I'm feeling weak, I need a little encouragement! Later on I recieved a different email that was indeed encouraging, and more than the hug from a friend that I had been expecting. And our generator arrived that afternoon, so we're covered now, and won't be cold when/if the power does go out this year or anyother!)
Right now, as I sit here typing this, a young woman is in labor. She wants to give this baby to a loving home, but the birthfather won't consent. Pray for her, as I do now: Help her with being a mom if it's your will. Help me to be ok with that if it is your will.
Heavenly father, fill this young woman with confidence. Give her strength. Help her through the difficulty of labor, bless her with courage. Let your work be mighty in her, and let your protective hand cover this child. Keep the baby safe, and let him/her be born strong and ready to love.
Jesus, Change this young man's heart. Show him the meaning of Family, of love, and of sacrifice. Lift his spirit; help him to do what you've deemed the right thing.
Please protect my heart and Jer's. We stand at the edge of a cliff, will there be a balloon of hope to jump into? Or is this going to be a wild ride down disappointment hill? Is this where the rollercoaster gets slower? Or is it the deep breath before the plunge? Or is it the entrance to a whole new ride?
Thank you for your promises,