I am continually blessed by the women who read this blog. You are truly an amazing comfort, and consistently give me pearls of wisdom in your comments that make me think of things beyond myself. You help me put my whine away J. And for that I am very grateful. (Speaking of grateful, I was able to tell a patient who'd given me a bit of wisdom of his own how much his comments had helped and continue to help me. He was his usual gracious self. Seriously, some people you just have to love!)
The last few blog posts have been missing a prayer, which is the other thing about this blog that I find extremely helpful to me; so without further delay, here it goes:
Sometimes I don't know where to begin! My thoughts are swirling with requests and thanks and praises and complaints. So, perhaps I should start with Praises and get to the complaints later, or forget about them all together eh?
You are amazingly patient, all knowing, and all powerful. I am honored to be your servant and hope to do it better and better as time goes by.
Forgive me for being silent, and not taking advantage of your ear. I know that you want to hear from me and that you care about how I'm feeling. Forgive me for being angry with my mom, I know she only meant to comfort me when I was feeling envious, do I covet B's baby?! Do I? I didn't think I did, but maybe I do?! In my own human estimation, she shouldn't be pregnant, she's not married, she's young and in my eyes, undeserving. Wow, how judgmental can I be? How can I think that this young woman doesn't deserve to be a mother just because I am not? Forgive me for my envy and for wanting what other people, even what a family member has. That is wrong and even though I didn't realize I was doing it…I realize it now and I want to let go of that. I want the best for A&B and their baby, help me to not be jealous of the fact that they get to be parents ahead of us. I've had a really cruddy attitude ever since we didn't get to bring home "the little guy" or even meet with his mother. I thought I was ok with it, and perhaps in my rational brain I am, but my heart is still broken over him. I loved the thought of him, and I loved the idea of knowing his mom and loving her right along with him. Please help me to put my heart back together, I don't want to be bitter, I want to be loving and tender.
Thank you for showing me where my vulnerabilities lie, and for forgiving me of my sin. Thank you for the women who read my blog and help me to see the other side of the story, and for caring about me. You've given me a wonderful gift in their friendship.
I pray now lord for Amber DuBois and her family, I pray you will lead her home, or accept her home in your arms. I pray that her family will be comforted in this difficult time and if she should be in your arms lord, I pray that you will hold her family together, I pray for her cousin Keek, my friend, with whom I've shared a million good times, help me be there for her in this dark and scary time for her family. I do pray with all my heart that she will be found healthy and soon. She is your child, please protect her.
Father, Annie and Rebekah are waiting on adoption plans to be fulfilled. I pray that each plan will be guided by your hand and that these women will keep their commitments to these families. I know that you alone hold the answers to their prayers and to mine, I pray you will arrange these adoptions according to your glory and to the fulfillment of your word. I pray their husbands will be wonderful fathers and that the couples will be able to support one another through this incredible and miraculous process.
I thank you for Kathleen and Melba, two women who show me wisdom on a regular basis. I pray that you will bless their lives. May Melba and I be mothers together in your time, help us to wait patiently.
Thank you for my own wonderful family, who only want me to be happy. Thank you for my wonderful husband and his strength to put up with me. Thank you for my sweet dog chief and my sassy little cat. They are my furry children and I love them.
Thank you for saving me from myself,