Monday, October 26, 2009

Bonding time

Have any of you who've adopted requested time without visitors? How did that go over?
Please email any responses you don't wish to post.



Lynnette said...

We requested bonding time sort of, we just did not tell anyone of the day we came home and had two days to ourselves. LOL!! I would think most people would understand if they know how important it is to you and hubby. Only grandparents and siblings came the next few days and that was not so bad. It worked for us. Do what is important for you and hubby and stand by that without waivering. Family can be difficult at times but it is your BABY!!!

Rebekah said...

It was a non issue for us because we had to be 4 states away for 3 weeks! Ben and I were more than ready to be home, but were both grateful for the alone time we had as a family.

It took a good week for me to absorb what had just happend and to really see Ty as my son. I can't imagine having to entertain guests during that time...while I sorted all my emotions.

I say take at least a few days!

Jamie said...

we were out of town for a week and had the first day to ourselves...after that we couldn't wait to share him with all of matt's family who live where we were. :) it was a very full week ~, we didn't have any "real" bonding time, but it's a personal decision. :) we were just so excited for everyone to meet him. I did take care of him in the hospital though for the two nights he was there. how exciting to think about!! :)

Life and Adoption! said...

This is something I'm wondering as well. We are doing an out of state adoption, so we have to be in the other state for 7-10 business days. That will be our bonding it works out pretty well. Then we'll have a big homecoming when we get home.

Melba said...

So I'm just going to be blunt here, but I think requesting private bonding time is a bit unnecessary. I guess it depends on your personality, but I think you are a lot like me in that you can speak up for what you need/want without too much trouble. You're not likely to get bowled over by people who stop by to visit you.

Personally, sharing Charlie with our friends and family was necessary for me. It was a joyful part of the celebration and welcoming him into our lives. I never felt that I had to entertain, or that I didn't get my baby enough. It was one of the few times in my life when I was perfectly content to sit back and let other people center on my needs for a change. People actually brought us food, which was very nice in our sleep deprived state! To be perfectly honest, I missed the company terribly for about a week after everyone went back to school/work. Not to mention the fact that you and Jer will be the party who is solely responsible for the overnight shift. It might be nice for f/f to be there during those first few days so you can take a nap while being assured that your baby is safe and sound.

It is indeed a personal decision, as Jamie said...but I think the bonding will happen whether you have guests at first or not. We did "kangaroo care," which was/is very special time for parents and baby only...and that was far more beneficial to both us, and to Charlie than I think isolating ourselves for a number of days would have been.

Just my two cents worth... :)


Kel said...

Thanks so much for the input friends! Obviously there are many different opinions to be had!

Melba, bluntness is always appreciated here, as I myself am quite blunt.

BB said...

I requested two weeks of bonding from my family and friends WAYYYYY before R was even a glimmer.

The day we brought her home, we sent a mass text message inviting everyone over.... and they ALL came and it was wonderful. I wanted everyone to share in our joy. I agree with Melba that for us, it wasn't necessary. We were the only ones to feed/change/etc her for the first few weeks, though.

I am glad we did it the way we did because we had prepared everyone to stay away, so if we had wanted that, it was there. Of course nobody had an issue when we changed our minds!!

If you are having issues politely telling people to stay away, always blame the agency/facilitator/attorney. They can always "recommend" or "require" two days, weeks, months -- whatever you need!

TXMom2B said...

I really wanted to request it, but I knew it wouldn't work. Looking back on those first few weeks, I have mixed feelings. It was absolutely exhausting, and the visits compounded that. It was so hard to hear advice and well-meaning warnings and even criticism. I was too tired and therefore too sensitive to deal with it. However, it was so lonely and scary being alone with a baby, and I loved the company and attention. Most people brought food, which was such a blessing.

Looking back, I think I wouldn't change a thing about the visits. Eventually they will calm down, and the enthusiasm of the family is contagious, which is helpful after a long night with a crying baby. If people want to visit, they will whether you allow them or not, and feelings will just be hurt. I would, however, try to set a time of day to encourage visits. You may want the mornings to be quiet and welcome visitors in the late afternoon when the baby is most fussy, or the other way around.