Finding Courage

Ever have a thing happen that bothers you for years? It happens and you're wounded for years and every time you pass the place where it happens you get a little sick inside?

My birthday Feb. 5, 2002: I was working for a dentist on the East Side, and had been there about 18 months. While he wasn't the most awesome boss I'd ever had, he was ok, and I wasn't planning to quit. He was having a slow time due to the economic downturn after the events of September 11, 2001 and Boeing had just gone through a layoff.

My birthday rolled around, and we had a little lunch and a cake. Then at the end of the day he called me into his office and layed me off. It felt like getting fired. And it was my birthday. Not the day before my birthday, not the week of my birthday, it was my birthday.

Jerk.

I was a bit of a wreck to say the least. He then jerked me around about vacation, I had to write him a letter and sent a copy to my parent's friend who is an attorney. That shaped him up. I never would have sued him, but he needed to know that I wasn't going to let it go, I had earned that pay.

So, what is the point and how does this apply to the theme of this journal?

J. has given me strength. I am his mother and when you're someone's mother you can't walk around the pretty town and shrink like a wilted Pansy when you walk by the building where you used to work. You just can't.

It took me three tries. I walked past with J. and Chief three weeks in a row...once I'd even walked halfway up the drive and turned my tail in fear and left. Even the time I finally walked through the door, I almost bailed out. I mean, this man had ruined my birthday for years! And I drive past this place to go to church, I can see it from my church...well nearly... I know it's there hiding behind the other building...

I needed to go in and deal with my feelings. And, I wanted to get in touch with a friend from there. So, I turned back around and tied the dog to the post and went in.(J and our friend L. in her stroller) I talked to the receptionist for a moment and gave her my information to give to my old friend, and then asked to see the Dr.

He came out and looked like he'd seen a ghost. He was afraid of me after all these years. Seriously? He looked even shorter and smaller than he actually was. I looked at him and realized I didn't need to say anything about what had happened in the past. He was reliving it right then. So, I introduced him to my baby and my dog and explained who L. was, asked him about his family and then left.

Feeling lighter than I had in years. I can walk past that building and it's just a place I used to work. No more sick. No more bitter feelings and my first birthday as a mother was Awesome!

Dear Lord Jesus,
Thank you for giving me spine enough to see how small a man I used to work for, how with you I need not fear any one. That I am strong in you, and as a mom. Because while a mother can't be afraid, I know it was you that gave me the final shove to be stronger than I was in that moment. And you gave me the strength to be gracious. To be kind and polite and even nice to a man who had treated me horribly on top of meanly. Thank you for helping me live your word without realizing it at the time. I think that's how we know it's really you. Our response to stimuli is different than our nature would have us respond.
You truly are an amazing God. And I am changed in your presence.
Amen