Monday, July 19, 2010

Wow, an adoption type post, it's been awhile!

When we were first contacted about Jack, and we met with his birthmother, we were informed that she'd had another little boy S. A year earlier, and he had been placed with a family that we went to our trainings with, and that part of the reason H. chose us, was that she couldn't believe we were still waiting.  When we were in her labor room, I broached the subject of her allowing us to contact the other family.  At that time she said she'd think about it.  About a month after the birth she signed a release that would allow us to contact the other family.  Then I got a little hesitant, not sure why...but we weren't finalized yet and I think I just couldn't handle the idea of what little S. would mean to our family and what we would mean to the other family.  After we finalized I let our caseworker know that it would be ok to give them my email and phone#.

Finally, about a month ago, I checked in with our caseworker and an email from the other fam. had gotten lost in her inbox (I can only imagine how much email she gets a day) so, I emailed S.'s adoptive mom and she was excited to be in touch.  We live close to each other, so close that if the boys ever play soccer they'd likely be on the same team if not the same league, and with the way school districts change boundary lines, they could end up going to the same school.

So here I sit, getting ready to ask her to bring S. to coffee.  I know this woman, we've met twice before, I liked her immediately  I know that God is written all over this, and this is one of those cool things about open adoptions.  We've traded email messages going over our concerns and our expectations, basically saying we shouldn't have any expectations, we're just making it possible for the boys to have a relationship of some kind in the future.

The concerns I have are fairly simple,  what will we all mean to one another, how will this affect their older biological son?  Will this confuse the heck out of my son when he's older? Will S. and Jack like one another?

But, the boys will have a similar history, hopefully H. will re-enter the picture in the future(right now she's chosen to not make contact with the agency to update her address), and they will both have a connection with her and with one another.

Best case scenario in my mind would be a relationship like I had with my cousin, we were buddies, we loved one another, and we took care of one another at school. We saw each other around holidays (not necessarily on the holiday) and we played like crazy at family dinners.  He added a fun and loving extra in my life and that is what I want for Jack.



Melba said...

Wow, very interesting/small world situation! I wish you all the best as you figure it out and continue to try to establish a relationship with this family. I think it's one of those "one day at a time" things that you just have to handle as you move forward, basing your decisions on how it is affecting Jack and how things do pan out in terms of what schools they go to and teams they play on.


Kel said...

Yes, we will be monitoring the situation carefully. The possibilities are just so neat. I mean they may have no interest in being together very often when they get older, but at least they will have the option!

Jewls said...

Z's birthmom has 4 other children who are Z's half (biological) siblings. At first I was totally nervous out about how that would be for Z later on, but it's actually really neat being in contact with them, so I'm hoping that it will always just be kind of normal for him. We don't see them very often, but if they decide they can have the option to be friends!

Jamie said...

sounds like it could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship! :) like melba said ~ one day at a time.....that's all you can do. :)