When you aren’t “The One”

The search continues the rollercoaster starts again, like Goliath at "Magic Mountain" my husband and I are headed down a drop at 80 miles an hour and half way down we're running out of air from the screaming. The turns at high speed are putting us on the brink of blacking out. And here comes another hill. What could possibly be on the other side of that? Will it be the exit? Or are we still stuck on this ride, going past all the other people who want to get on, and all the relieved and excited people getting off?

There was birth family looking at us seriously; but then the birth father decided he couldn't consent to the adoption. What is the lesson I am looking for here? I trust that God will find the right family for us. I do, I am learning patience, I am learning how to deal with rejection, I am, I am, I am!

I know that knowing now is better than knowing before we see the baby and love it, to have this happen in the time allowed before the placement becomes permanent, I know that. But I'm still really disappointed and wonder how that child will do in a home where the mother wanted something different than that for her baby.

I just have issue with the fact that a woman can get an abortion without the father EVER knowing, but once they choose life, the father has to give his consent. He should have to go through what we go through. He should have to be studied and checked out and suffer through the process of wondering if you are good enough to be a parent.

I'm really angry right now, and very disappointed. I hope anyone looking into being an adoptive family isn't discouraged, just understand that this is part of the whole process. It has to be the right one. Everything has to be the perfect situation. And looking for perfection in an imperfect world…is hard. But it does happen. And I absolutely know that the baby I will be adopting is worth it.