Thursday, September 24, 2009

A little on the hi maint. side today

So, yesterday and today I've been having minor denial this just doesn't feel real. Had to call the back up hand-holder in Bellingham cuz my #1 Becky is on a well deserved vacation this week. Will meeting H. make it feel more real? Or not? Will it EVER feel real? I'm not used to things "working" yet, the meeting part is where things always seem to fall apart for us, and I am being needy. I don't like it. I should be confident and have faith in my God that he knows what he's doing! I should be brave and laugh at the fears that creep into my head late at night. I'm a bold woman, I'm intimidating to many people, (I know hard to believe right!?) I'm not nervous, anxious or hi maintenance!! I'm chill, relaxed and fun! What on earth is this!! I'm not sorry I feel this way, I'm just confused, this is NOT my character, but then, my character has never been through this before...

Alright, thanks for listening! And big thanks to R in Bellingham for pinch hitting for me. I need to go sit in the hot tub at the gym, followed by the sanna, hopefully precceeded by an actual work out...sheesh!



Melba said...

Well keep that in mind that your character has never been through this before. Don't be too hard on yourself for feeling some doubt, and some nervousness.

Obviously we are all unique and we experience things differently throughout this journey, but it took me about a month after meeting Charlie before I really felt settled and like he was the read deal. I kept checking his crib/car seat/stroller with the half expectation that I had finally lost my mind and made him up!!

Your situation will feel real to you in time too. This is HUGE, and it's unprecedented/uncharted territory! Give yourself some time to adjust, and to feel at peace with all the major changes that are happening.



Jamie said...

after we've been disappointed time and time again ~ it's really difficult for our brain to comprehend that this might really actually happen! :) up until those papers were signed....i still had one foot dragging behind ready to stable myself when the whole thing crumbled apart just as every other attempt to bring a baby into our family didn't this time and i had no idea how to react to "good" news! :)

what you are feeling is normal and wanting someone to "hold your hand" for a while is perfectly understandable. i know i needed the same thing and thank goodness i had a very caring and understanding caseworker too. :)

just a couple of months when you can't think straight because you haven't slept for a week, it will feel very very real. lol!!! :)

hang in there ~ you are doing a fabulous job!! :)