Finalization!

We are on the Docket!!
April 23rd at 1:30.  We're going to do his dedication that weekend and have a BBQ to celebrate the end of the legal process of this journey.  It's been a long road with many turns and even some back tracking, but next month will be a good one in the C household!

My Diaper Bag

Any one who knows me well, knows that I could care less about designer labels. I like things that FIT, WORK, and DON'T Break.

I scoffed at the pictures of stars carrying around a 168.00 diaper bag. I said, "Oh please, why would anyone spend that kind of money on a bag to carry diapers in. Then a friend of mine at bible study walked up the three flights of stairs with the infant seat and her hand on the rail, and her bag firmly on her back and not sliding off and causing a minor catastrophe. Now, I know many people who carry purses and big bags around like it's no big deal, with ease and grace the thing just floats on as though an angel is holding it on the shoulder with no cares in the world. I am NOT one of those women. My purses slip off,I have to hold them on or uncomfortably hitch my shoulder and add an infant seat? PUH LEEZ can we say wreck waiting to happen? And then Petunia Pickle Bottom Entered my life. Thank you Petunia for your versatile bag configuration, not to mention the built in changing station that makes any old counter a comfy place to change my little monkey!

Seriously, it hold's J's stuff AND mine in an organized and non "whinnie the pooh" fashion.

First Post Placement Visit

Last Friday Becky came by for our first post placement visit. I don't know why an official visit feels different than when I drop by to say hi. I know there are no fears of J.C. leaving us. I suppose it is left-over angst.

Becky had a state form she filled out as she asked us the questions on it. I showed her pictures of the holidays with the family and how happy everyone was to welcome the little man into our family. It was really very low key. And I'm always happy to see Becky! But the formality of the situation must be respected, at least in my mind, so that is probably where the nerves kick in, that and I forgot to dust my mantle! :D

Our next visit is in February and I think our state only requires two visits, maybe a third, Becky left a packet that should tell me, but essentially the next step is contacting a lawyer and getting a hearing on the books and having a party set up!

Becky did ask us if we would adopt again, and I do think it is in our future, I'm kind of a "one thing at a time" kind of woman, I like to get the current situation fully under control before I look to the next thing. But J. will have sibling(s). That is what I know.

Tomorrow we have our official "Church Shower" thrown by our women's committee "Titus II". I'm really looking forward to it, so many of these women prayed for us on a daily basis and really kept us in their hearts during our waiting time. It will be really special to have some time to thank them individually. It seems like there is never enough time before or after church.

Post: 200 and Great News to share!

H, J.C.'s Birthmom became certain of who his father was when the pregnancy was redated, and our efforts to locate him for notification and possible TPR, was hindered by the fact that he is in the military and stationed overseas. We prayed and prayed and prayed, both for his safety and for his communication with us.

Becky had left him her phone number in a message on his social networking site, and it took a month or so, but he called! He called and apologized for being out of range and not calling sooner. Even though he is hesitant to say that the baby is his, he would sign termination papers anyway. The lawyer for Bethany sent them in an email, and two hours later, they were signed and in his hands. He is terminating today. This means we can look at March or April for our finalization, and the fact that J. is really going to be ours forever has begun to hit us. We cried together when we heard that he'd contacted Becky, and this morning, we're just so relieved and thankful that our dream of a child filled family is going to be a permanent thing.

So, with that, I'd like to say: Happy New Year to you all!! And thank you for your prayers!

The little man is Two weeks old!

I never knew a fortnight could go by so quickly. Wimbledon always seems so long... :D

We tried to change formula to one that was a little thinner, with less iron (by .3mg/100cal) but that backfired, the kid likes what he likes! So we're just hoping it was coincidental that he had a hard time the other day. Probably shouldn't make determinations on such a limited amount of data. The stats get skewed!

Picture(s) of the day

I couldn't decide Ergo...two pictures

So, we had an eventful week last week!

Tueday the 1st I got a fun email from my caseworker that said the Due date had been moved up, you all remember that!
well Wednesday was quiet, so quiet that I don't really remember what I even did, I remember thinking I should have taken some stuff back to Sephora that I wasn't really happy with, but...didn't.

Thursday morning around 6pm my cell rang in the kitchen, it is out there because it's a "smart" phone and makes noise all night, anyway I couldn't get to it in time and it went to VM. Well my mom doesn't even call me that early so, we knew it was most likely "the call". Jer's phone ringing seconds later pretty much confirmed it.

It was Becky! And Jer kept the call, so I don't know exactly what was said except that H. was at the Hospital and we should probably get going. Well, the flight of the bumblebee ensued. Jer got on line to let his work know what was going on, I got in the shower and out of the shower and then dried my hair as fast as I could. It was seriously cold outside and I would have been miserable not having dry hair. Then I scurried around getting clothes on, dumping my counter into a bag, and writing a note to the neighbors on how to take care of the dog. I nearly did the spits on the icy front deck, Stupid Uggs. What was I thinking??

By the time I got back from the neighbor's house Jer was out of the shower so we got our other gear together and got in the car.

We didn't even stop at Starbucks, because we were on the border line of hitting really crappy Seattle/Tacoma traffic. I updated my facebook from my phone several times whining about the traffic and letting people know where we were.

We got to the Hospital and checked in with the Family Birth Center and made ourselves comfortable. The hospital social worker was amazing, very sweet woman who made sure everything was in order. We got some coffee and then the nurse came out and talked with us. Something on our faces must have looked worried, because about 30 minutes later the nurse came back out and told me that H wanted to talk to me. So, I went back.

I hadn't seen her since our first meeting, and was pleasantly greeted by the same face I remembered. She told me that the nurse had mentioned we looked nervous, and she wanted me to know that this was "going to happen" in her words. I smiled and told her that I believed her, that our nerves were more from anticipation than fear, and we were really excited to be meeting our little guy that day.

We talked for another few minutes and in those few minutes, I probably saw more of her real life than I had at our first meeting. She mentioned that she chose us because she wanted him to be safe, and we were safe. I never realized how vulnerable she felt at home. I would have taken her into ours if I had known that things were so scary for her.

A few minutes later, she went into transition, and I politely excused myself. "I'll let you know if I need you" she said, "I really like talking with you." I agreed and squeezed her hand and I left to let her do her thing.

About 15 minutes later our case worker Becky came in. She looked really cute in her red coat.

About an hour later the Doctor came out and said, "Would you like to meet your son?" I was so excited I jumped up and was half way to the sliding door when Jer said, hey kel, you going to leave your stuff there? I grabbed my computer bag and purse and raced back to the door. She lead us back through the Special Care Nursery which was AMAZING. I'll post pictures so you can see how beautiful it is.

In the Stabilization area, on a warmer was the most beautiful little boy I have ever seen. All gooey from delivery, he sat there staring around at the world. He was so alert and wide eyed. Since he had been living inside H, the nurse asked us to wear gloves, I've never had a harder time putting on a pair of gloves in my life, and I don and doff probably 20 pairs of gloves a day at work, if not more, so this was a real irony in my head!

We spent the next few minutes admiring this miracle before our eyes.

His blood sugar was a little low, so we got to feed him almost immediately. After he'd been fed and burped, I told him how much we loved him and that we've loved him since we heard about him and probably much longer.

The nurse in Special Care asked us if one of us wanted to stay with him at night for the 48 hours before he would be discharged. I said, "please!" and not too long later they showed us to one of their sleep in nursery rooms. It had a twin murphy bed. It was awesome. I have never seen a Special Care Nursery like it. Apparently a benefactor's will had provided for the unit to be remodeled and some one put together a dream unit. Where most units would be partitioned by curtains, this one was little "suites" surrounding the nurse's station. and at one end there were three or four sleep in rooms. So courtesy of the state, I got to spend the whole time with my son.

Jer stayed with us during the day. He left around 10 the first night and I began my little adventure with my boy in the overnight hours. The room was mostly white and reflected light everywhere, and the blanket was light so I had trouble sleeping. I did doze a good 2 hours though. The activity in the Nursery was a little troubling as well, babies in incubators and IV's and stuff. I didn't look long, I wanted to respect their privacy, but curiosity is one of my faults. I really tried to stay out of the way!

J.C. and I got into a routine of eating, changing and sleeping, (Mostly him with the sleeping :)) The nurse (Marlo) would come in and do his vitals while I got his bottle ready, she was so sweet! Then we'd chat a little, I really liked her. She did his PKU test at about 5am.

Around 6am the Doctor from the day before came in and told me how she had been insistent that she get to meet the adoptive parents. We talked a bit about H's health history and I told her how much I respected and appreciated H. Then she told me that H. had related the same thing to her about me.

Jer and I watched movies and cuddled with our little guy. We watched: The Incredibles, Pirates of the Caribbean, and While you were Sleeping. The Oregon Civil war game came on or we would have watched "A Nightmare Before Christmas" too. Do you see the pattern? :D

The hearing test came next and his hair made it tough to keep the sensors on his ears! He looked like a little man wearing a pair of headphones under a stocking cap. We nicknamed him "i-pod baby"

That evening I took the gift I'd chosen for H. to the nurses desk. Later H. sent me a note telling me how much she liked it. I sent a note back telling her how much we loved her. She sent one back asking what we'd named "Him" The nurse was getting a kick out of being our courier. The nurse came back and said, "she likes it! and goodnight" I laughed and said goodnight too.

Jer had also brought my favorite quilt with him to help me sleep a little better. It worked. The little guy and I were like clockwork that night. Kari our night nurse that night was wonderful, She did his Hep B vaccine because I wasn't pleased with the charge nurses during the day. The blood test for his billirubin levels was a NIGHTMARE! I asked that the Phebotomist come and do the re-draw if it was necessary. I don't think that nurse liked me very much after that! (oh. well.) The Phlebotomoist was awesome! He came in and had all the tricks and was done in short order. Poor baby that was his 5th heel stick in 24 hours! So my night with Kari was wonderful. We got along as well as Marlo and I had the night before. We fed, changed and did the vitals as J. woke and such, while I was feeding him (sitting cross legged on my bed) she came in and laughed. "I forgot that you hadn't delivered him and was astonished by how mobile you are!" Then she asked me about how our whole adoption experience went, and that, is the first time I've ever told the whole thing from start to birth. I cried, she cried, J. cried. It was wonderful!

Anyway Vicky the morning nurse (a float from Labor and Delivery) greeted us and let us know that the Pediatrician would do the discharge order as soon as she saw the baby and we would be on our way!

There are so many little things that sprang up around the experience, things that I would never change, even though is wasn't "convenient" like having to eat in the waiting room and wondering if someone was going to walk in on me in the shower :P. Because that is what makes the story ours.

I'm sure there are more stories to tell, but they'll come out in smaller bits along the way.

Anyway, that is our story!

OK! More pictures!

And we got the bottle situation sorted! Apparently, the bottles I used as a child are still on the market and are the ones he likes. Go figure the cheapest bottles that have always been bpa free, are the ones he likes best. Funny baby!

We're here!

Traffic was good and we got here from Seattle in 1hr 20 min! Not bad!
H is expected to deliver by lunch time and after she takes her time with the baby we will take over his care in the nursery. The nursery is awesome. The babies have their own little room with a place for me to sleep and Jer has vowed to stay in the waiting room tonight. Sweet man. The nurses are very nice, as is the hospital social worker. Becky will be here around noon or so, and Ashley should be here around 2. Albert the Lawyer is making his rounds at the court and all is going well.

Above all else we hope H is healthy and as comfortable as possible, and that the baby will be born safely.

I was awake when the phone rang at 6, but it was in the kitchen. Jer spoke with Becky and I hurried into the shower and dumped my bathroom counter into the bag while jer did some work stuff, and then showered. While he was in the shower I ran across the street to the neighbor's house with a note telling them to feed the dog and cat. I nearly broke my neck on our icy front deck...need to get that salted! Threw my computer into the bag and we were off! Thankfully we've been packed for weeks! :D
So, we're waiting and praying and very thankful for all of the wonderful prayers being prayed over everyone involved.
Love and thanks to all!

The Blind Side

Who knew I loved football?

This week has been tough. Personally and blogally. And this film was the medicine I needed.

Let me tell you something about loss.

It is everywhere. No matter where we go or what we do we will lose people we love. And the hardest thing I ever had to reconcile was the fact that my family would begin with someone else's loss. That the very first experience in the life of my child would be the loss of the mother he knew in the womb.

We all experience loss and we all enter this world with missing pieces. At some point in our lives we come to a place where we see the world in its imperfection, we see how broken we are. And there is no hope for us. Desperation is the cause of madness, the cause of hate and the cause of bitterness. If we are very fortunate, there is someone we love; or at that point when we are so broken that it's impossible that we can love others, let alone ourselves; that someone loves us enough to show us the picture and person of Jesus Christ through their actions. They feed us, they clean us up, they trust us with a place in their home and they make us their child. By law or not they have adopted us. If we are fortunate. If we are not, we become a person so different from who we were born to be that, when we look at ourselves in the mirror, it is impossible to meet our own gaze. Loss is inevitable, but from loss miracles can happen.

Wealthy interior designers from Tennessee can take in an impoverished and broken boy who'd been crushed by his mother's addiction and love him so much; that he calls her momma and would fight to the death anyone who dared threaten her.

A woman who's body doesn't function the way it should, can have a son. A boy who would never know the love of a father, can have a good man to look up to and to help him become a good man, so that he can raise his children to be good people. And the woman who was balancing several other children on a budget the width of a thread, can continue to hang in there and have a chance at getting to a better place in life instead of further in debt, more dependent on the government or the charity of others. She can help herself to better standing with the knowledge that her baby is being loved and cared for, and she isn't hidden from him.

The thing about adoption is this: you take two lives ripped up by loss and you put them together. Then you pour out your soul of love into that brokenness and you grieve your losses together. Then you move forward; undoubtedly there will be things to grieve again when every milestone makes that loss poignant. But you move forward and you make something good out of the ashes of what is devistating.

A girl in my office today said, "Sixteen years without my mother, I would be sad, but my life wouldn't be about me if I lived with her. My life would be about her addiction. And God knows what I would have lost if I hadn't been adopted." She didn't quite understand why I cried, she had no idea what had happened this week.

So why am I doing this? Why am I taking a little boy from his biological/first parents? Because God knows what he will lose if I don't. And for me, that is enough.

Go see that movie. It is Great.

Excitement, and the people determined to suck it out of you.

I've been hearing a lot of negativity in regards to excitement in blogland lately.
Over at A Pea in our pod she's dealing with the idea that she can't ask people to be excited for her.

WHY NOT? I fully expect people to be excited for me. THIS is exciting stuff! The entire drama of the situation is exciting. I am fully cognizant of the fact that this might not end well, but you know what? I don't have confidence in the situation, or the birth mother, or myself. I have confidence in my GOD to work things out to the best for everyone.

If we were pregnant with a high risk pregnancy, I would want people to be excited for me. This is exactly the same thing, only the baby's life isn't at stake, so in a way this is A LOT less high risk than that. Odds and statistics are only numbers. God has a way of making human measurements meaningless. I wouldn't want to get in HIS way.







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Scene from a Starbucks

No matter the location of the Starbucks, their layout and decor are familiar, and that is comforting. I sat in the comfortable chair and surveyed the crowd, Becky hadn't yet arrived and there was Jer standing in line to get my drip and oatmeal and his grande Americano. The expression on his face was a mirror of my own anxious excitement. He rejoined me and then we re-arranged the furniture to make room for our expected guests.

Becky came in, she reminded us of how these things usually go. An introduction, tell a little, ask a little, see where the conversation goes. Enter Ashley, H's counselor. She's perky and fun, I like her immediately. We all chat for a few minutes when a young woman approaches and says hi to Ashley. She turned and I saw her it was like one of those moments where the world slows down so I can write it all down in my mind. "Sorry I'm late" she says. Late? I hadn't noticed, in a split second I recalled noting every second past the time we were supposed to meet with K. Already my perspective was different. Jer confirmed my thought aloud saying, "I didn't think you were late." H. checks her phone, "Two minutes."

"I like this girl" I thought as I smiled and offered my hand, "You're H." I stated with a bigger smile. "Hi!" she answered and then shook Jer's hand too. I cursed the table we'd moved to make a "grouping" but perhaps a hug would have been too much. But perhaps my bumping into it and then frowning at it wasn't lost on her, because she smiled at me again.

Becky asked us to share how we met, and I began to tell the tale that I've told so many times before, at the end of it, I realized it was 12 years ago to the week that Jer and I had met. We both noted that aloud and it was kind of a nice little moment. We were surprised that it had sneaked up on us like that.

We asked H a few questions that lead to some good conversation about family, pets, school and things like that. She seemed to have a little smile going the whole time. She then went on to say that she was having a boy and then said she thought the moments after a baby is born are special and she had a special thing she does, (And my mind jumped to thinking "She doesn't want me there. She's going to tell us we won't be at the hospital until later.") I almost missed her saying, "I'd like to invite you to be there." I must have done a "BLINK BLINK" *blonde look* "Blink" and then said "YES!" I kicked myself for thinking before I listened. She's like "You're sure" I reply that she's made "my lifetime" and I felt my eyes well up and nearly spill over, just like the did at my wedding, but I pulled it together and they subsided. We continued our conversation until H. had to go, I shook her hand again, wishing I could hug her...but a good hand squeeze was all I could really do without shoving my husband over and making a scene. I wonder how many special meetings Starbucks sees.

All I can do is praise my Lord for guiding us all this far, and that He will continue to guide our steps over the next 62 days.

I really do like H. very much and I hope to get to know her a little more before the big day.

Assumptions

Do you ever get unsolicited advice from people that makes you wonder if they think you are stupid? Or like you just woke up one day and said, "I'm going to adopt a baby" and just put your name on a list on a wall somewhere? That you didn't do a dilligent ammount of research when you chose the agency you did, or the adoption path that you chose, or go through an entire process of getting ready for things and had meetings with experts. Just because they didn't wittness your journey prior to adoption, they want to make sure that you aren't forgetting how important something is?

I just want to say "Do you think I was born yesterday? That I haven't read books on adoption and how "This" works and what is important? Can you not be the "Expert" on educating oneself and just be happy? This is not your problem to solve! I am not a problem to solve. Can you just stop projecting your insecurities onto me? I am fine! I am confident, I am happy. Just be happy with me all right?!!"

Meeting with H.

I can't tell you how excited I am to be writing this. It seems that God is so good, that He has answered not just one, but every one of my prayers.

The deepest things I was too afraid to ask for, He has given me. The most precious of all being that I can be there when my child comes into the world. H. invited me to be in the room and help her with her delivery. I am floored and overjoyed by her request.

That question I asked a while ago? "What will happen when I am given exactly what I want?" The answer is: I accepted as graciously and enthusiastically as I possibly could without crying. It was so wonderful. I wanted to leap across the table and hug her. But I didn't.

I will go into a little more detail later, but this is IT. This is my beloved son and I am well pleased.

Thank you Lord Jesus, for knowing my heart. And blessing me with everything I've wanted. You are THE Amazing and Awesome God. I am humbled and thankful far beyond words.

Walking with Ramona

Abot two weeks ago I decided it had been too long since we went to visit Portland, and a few days later my mom called to tell me about the Ramona Quimby statue at Grant Park. Then, by chance she stumbled across a newspaper article about a tour of the neighborhood that Beverly Cleary grew up in and wrote about. Mom wanted to know if I wanted to go, and I was all for it!

And so were many others! Apparently Ramona can still draw a crowd!

This is our Tour Guide Laura O. Foster

She was wonderful!

This little girl is a "Ramona" for sure

So is this one.

Round Table #7

Where do you draw the lines--on your blog and in your personal life--and why? What, if anything, don't you tell?



In my personal life, it is more difficult to draw boundaries around who gets to know what. There are people I would love to tell some more "secret" things, but don't because they can't keep a secret and have proven themselves time and again to be untrustworthy regardless of the closeness of our relationship.

Jer and I try to keep most of the private information private. Names of birth mothers are represented by their first initial. If "H" doesn't mind being presented to the world as our birth mother by her first name and photo the way "Rebekah" has on Rebekah's blog then we will do that. Other wise, I feel that we should follow the guidelines set by my adoption agency which is first names only and contact by anonymous means like cell phones and an anonymous email address. Or only through the agency.

As far as identities and things on line, I am going to share myself, and the people I know don't mind, like my husband and my pets. Anyone else I include on my blog is either publicly available on the web anyway, or has given permission to be posted on my blog.

Technically any picture taken in a public place can be posted in public. Because by leaving your home you give up your right to privacy. HOWEVER, when I take pictures of people in public, especially strangers, I try not to post pictures of children's faces. I have a couple pictures of children at a park that I'm going to post, but they are not identifiable by their facial features in the photo.

I try to post as I would want to be posted. Only nice photos and kind words and of course keeping in mind that regardless of legality, some people may not wish to be blogged about and I am fully willing to comply with their desires.

Oops. BAD BLOGGER!

In an effort to not over do it with my excitement...I forgot to let you all know that we are not meeting with H. until Tuesday, that's tomorrow!! I spent this last weekend in Portland with my parents, and forgot that I hadn't updated you all on the blog! Forgive me, and THANK YOU for your patience with me, your prayers for us, and for just being your awesome selves. You are a blessing to me.

Alright!

Scheduled! Tuesday 9am in our lovely State Capitol....so I have to get up EARLY! To go meet her, but it is worth it! With traffic and distance in the am it will take a while to get there.

Becky is a serious trooper. She deserves a medal for dealing with us.(read: me.)I apparently have become a basket case and a very high maintenance one at that.

Jamie said it last week that we're so used to things not working that when we really don't know how to respond when things are just going slowly, as opposed to not happening at all. It really isn't even going that slowly.

So, I'm really going to try to only work on the facts as I have them and REEEEEEEEEEALY try to relax.

I went shopping with my friend Cheryl last night and had a great time, AND I discovered that I now wear an 8 instead of a 10! And a Medium in tops instead of a large! Sweeeet!

So, all in all things are going well and I just need to chill out, and remember that the universe does not revolve around me. :D

Communication

Would you all pray for us today? We still haven't confirmed a meeting for tomorrow, and while I know there is a whole day left, and I should be having faith that sometimes God works in the 25th hour, my stomach doesn't like it that H didn't return her counselor's call yesterday.

Dear Lord,
Haven't we had enough stress in waiting? I know life is not easy, I know that. I don't even think it should be easy. But haven't we had enough sorrow? We've endured this long enough, please take this and make it right. In Jesus' name, make all the hearts involved line up. Let this be your will.
Amen.

meeting maybe?

Thursday is what Becky would like, hopefully it all works out! I'll keep you posted...

I have this week off, and I totally kicked the back bedroom's butt. Our office is an office again, and I only have to get it dusted and tidied and re-arranged a bit and there will be space for guests to sleep!

I WIN!!
(any one wanna come visit?) :D

A little on the hi maint. side today

So, yesterday and today I've been having minor denial issues...like this just doesn't feel real. Had to call the back up hand-holder in Bellingham cuz my #1 Becky is on a well deserved vacation this week. Will meeting H. make it feel more real? Or not? Will it EVER feel real? I'm not used to things "working" yet, the meeting part is where things always seem to fall apart for us, and I am being needy. I don't like it. I should be confident and have faith in my God that he knows what he's doing! I should be brave and laugh at the fears that creep into my head late at night. I'm a bold woman, I'm intimidating to many people, (I know hard to believe right!?) I'm not nervous, anxious or hi maintenance!! I'm chill, relaxed and fun! What on earth is this!! I'm not sorry I feel this way, I'm just confused, this is NOT my character, but then, my character has never been through this before...

Alright, thanks for listening! And big thanks to R in Bellingham for pinch hitting for me. I need to go sit in the hot tub at the gym, followed by the sanna, hopefully precceeded by an actual work out...sheesh!