Our Last Thanksgiving as a Couple?

As I sit here on the couch with my mom on my left, by dog at my foot and my dad across the room, I'm lead to wonder if this will be our last Thanksgiving as a couple. Hopefully soon, we will be a family. Technically we've always been a family, but you catch my drift I think.

We traveled to my parent's place in Portland; the drive took far longer than it should have. Seriously, how it takes 5 ½ hours to drive 175 miles is beyond my comprehension. But between Renton and Fort Lewis, I think we averaged 30 miles an hour.

Which leads me to conclude that there would have been at LEAST two feedings and two diaper changes on the trip; and very few places I would deem appropriate to stop, interesting.

Perhaps, people will have to start making the trek to see us a little more often. Of course that would be selfish though, as most of them would have to sleep at a motel, because I don't really have a guest room. And only one bathroom.

Anyway, that's the extent of my pondering! I wonder…. J

Thankful

I am truly thankful for the Adoption Agency I've chosen. I couldn't have asked for a better person to be on my side than Becky. She is Fantastic. To be honest, part of the reason I'm so eager to have our child is that I'm really excited to be friends with her. Bethany Christian Services likes to maintain a certain level of integrity, so even though Becky and I would be fast friends with kindred spirits, we have to wait until the baby is ours before we can go to lunch together. But I'm off topic already.

In the last month I've heard of two maybe three situations with other agencies and DSHS of Washington that were in a nutshell; horrific. Tales of babies being taken back by the state and given to another couple for no real reason but the case worker's preference. At Bethany, they work loosely with DSHS as all of their social workers have a MSW and are licensed by the state to do the state's job with minimal interference. Foster families going to the day care only to find that the state had removed them from their care after three years without even letting the children say goodbye. Just awful things.

Becky is an extremely supportive person and I'm blessed to be in her care. Bethany is a wonderful organization with an impeccable record and they pray for us. How awesome is that? I love that they are so professional and approachable and that they just seem to have it so together. I know that even there adoptions fail, but they are there to catch you. They counsel you, they take care of you. And they'll be here for us in the future, when we're having crisis.

I'm thankful for the Baby that will be ours, and I'm thankful for my family who now live so much closer.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Prayer Note: Lord, take care of Amber during her labor and delivery, and help her see the adoption through. Calm her fears and give her courage to go through with her choice.

Help Chelsee with her counseling. Keep her under your wing, help her boyfriend really understand the role he is about to undertake, and if he's not ready, soften his heart toward adoption. Only you can do it.

Be with Marcia and her husband as they wade through the paperwork and decisions of choosing an agency. Guide them to the perfect place where they will be fully supported and educated so that their fear will subside.

Thank you lord for an awesome weekend last weekend, one where I could be free of worry and have a wonderful time renewing a friendship and having fun that I needed so badly. Help me to continue to have a light heart, and a positive attitude. And help the Family get along this holiday season!

Amen!

Another Quiet Week

The holidays are usually quiet in the Land of Adoption. People tend to put off their decisions for the new year. That being said, there have been three emergency placements in the last three weeks at Bethany.

Sadly, there was an incident of a failed Foster to Adopt through another agency that came to my attention, it really made me sad, and the situation, from what I hear is just another example of how DSHS gets it completely wrong. I'm really happy that we chose the agency we did. I want all of my disapointment before placement. I want placement to be uneventful and as smooth as possible. My prayers are with the couple in question tonight, as they've become empty armed again and now face the decision to put themselves back out there. I can't imagine their sadness. I don't want to imagine it, and I REALLY don't want to experience it. I pray for their strength, their courage and their committmement to being parents. God knows why; and someday you will know why too.

A quiet week

This week has been quiet on the Adoption front. No calls, no leads, nothin, I've been blissfully fighting off a cold and reading Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse(Chapters 1-4). After two weekends of less than rest, I spent last weekend bumming around at home, and happy to do so! This weeks rain has turned into partly sunny skies and the promise of a trip to the dog park with my favorite man and dog. So long as these sniffles go away. It's nice to have a little calm.

November: National Adoption Awareness Month

According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, November is National Adoption Awareness Month. This year as every year they are highlighting the need for people to adopt children out of the foster care system. Their main focus for this November is teenagers; did you know that teenagers often leave the foster system before they officially age out at 18? I didn't. (And who stops needing parents when they turn 18 anyway? I am now 30 and still look to my parents for help, advice and example.)

A friend of mine over at Seattle Metblogs reminded me of an organization that a fellow "Sauna Sitter" had brought to my attention last week. He was talking about the urban youth of Seattle and how his church helps once a month with meals for them and how he and his wife were thinking of adopting a teenager. His own children are out of the nest and yet, they are not nearly at the age of retirement, and they have a desire to help a teenager and the parenting experience to do a good job with it. I was impressed; and wanted to find out more about New Horizons.

The need for New Horizons is a direct result of children leaving a system that even in its best, most sincere efforts, fails to meet the needs of some adolescents. These kids need homes and not homes where they feel like they are being temporarily cared for, but permanent homes that will be there for them long after they are considered an adult; a home where their children will find proud Grandparents. Family is a need that goes beyond age. And the loss of family leads adolescents to the street.

"The common denominator among homeless runaway adolescents is neither economics nor ethnicity. Runaway youth come from every socio-economic group in America. They are a segment of the urban youth population.

In our experience, the most prevalent cause of the street youth phenomenon is their shared family history of abuse and dysfunction. Street youth run from a bad situation, not to the street. The street is one result of multiple failures by a social service system that is not equipped to meet the needs of this population and family systems that are not set up to foster healthy developmental growth."- New Horizons Ministry

Not only do we need to find a way to get these kids to re-enter mainstream society and contribute to our world, we need to find a way to prevent them from getting there in the first place. More Foster Parents are needed, and more Adoptive Parents are needed. People who have had children and people who've never had children can be wonderful parents to a Teenager in crisis. They need a family, and there are social services available to help with counseling and other issues. I am going to ask my Pastor about getting involved with New Horizon, and see if our church can get into the mix to help teens. What could you do to help a Teen in need? Could you Adopt a Teenager?

"You don't have to be perfect to be a perfect parent. There are thousands of teens in foster care who would love to put up with you."-AdCouncil

Learning to REALLY Let Go

How many times have I prayed for a child saying "I know it's in your hands?" Lots. Every time I pray in fact. But do I really trust Him? Did I really trust him this last time when things seemed so right to me? Did I truly rest in the knowledge of His sovereignty? I have to say no. Not completely, and I know I'm not perfect, so I'm going to define completely as "to the best of my ability". I trusted more in the facts. That on paper everything seemed to match up. And I'm not saying that because of this I was denied a baby. I don't believe God punishes us like that.

I was never meant to have this situation work. I needed to learn something from this moment. It took a couple days to see through my own pain, but after a swim, a work out and a sauna listening to my ipod and reflecting on all of the things that have happened in the last five days (including the Blue Team's win); I've come to a realization that I'm holding on too tightly to things I can quantify.

Tonight in the sauna, my heart was calm for the first time in about 72 hours. The disappointment faded and I regained focus. Driving home from the Club, I prayed this prayer:

Dear Jesus,

I give you permission (not that you need it) to knock my socks off with your plan. To arrange a life for me that will bring more honor to you, than it brings glory to me. That this plan for Jer and me, will blow us away, bring us humility and most of all that it will be more of a blessing to others than it is to the two of us. I'm really going to try to let go of this; and let you do your work in me, in our birthparents, and in the people who will be witness to all of these things. Help me give up my imagination, to stop thinking of how it might happen and be completely knocked out by the way you will have it happen.

Thank you for everything you've done and please be with the family who is struggling to determine their obedience to your plan.

Thank you for finding Nicole and her husband a baby.

In Jesus name, I pray,

Amen.

A bad week gets even worse.

I had a string of non-adoption related arguments with my family, which have resolved themselves, but have left me fairly wiped out. Today we got an email saying that someone who'd been favoring us as adoptive parents had to pull out due to the birthfather not agreeing with adoption. And we got a letter from Shaohanna's Hope declining our grant proposal. If they were going to base their decision on income, they need to state in their guidelines that certain income levels are shouldn't bother to send in an application.

Prayer focus:

Birth father cooperation, my attitude, and Kristen in Denver who is not the person mentioned in the above mentioned post.

When you aren’t “The One”

The search continues the rollercoaster starts again, like Goliath at "Magic Mountain" my husband and I are headed down a drop at 80 miles an hour and half way down we're running out of air from the screaming. The turns at high speed are putting us on the brink of blacking out. And here comes another hill. What could possibly be on the other side of that? Will it be the exit? Or are we still stuck on this ride, going past all the other people who want to get on, and all the relieved and excited people getting off?

There was birth family looking at us seriously; but then the birth father decided he couldn't consent to the adoption. What is the lesson I am looking for here? I trust that God will find the right family for us. I do, I am learning patience, I am learning how to deal with rejection, I am, I am, I am!

I know that knowing now is better than knowing before we see the baby and love it, to have this happen in the time allowed before the placement becomes permanent, I know that. But I'm still really disappointed and wonder how that child will do in a home where the mother wanted something different than that for her baby.

I just have issue with the fact that a woman can get an abortion without the father EVER knowing, but once they choose life, the father has to give his consent. He should have to go through what we go through. He should have to be studied and checked out and suffer through the process of wondering if you are good enough to be a parent.

I'm really angry right now, and very disappointed. I hope anyone looking into being an adoptive family isn't discouraged, just understand that this is part of the whole process. It has to be the right one. Everything has to be the perfect situation. And looking for perfection in an imperfect world…is hard. But it does happen. And I absolutely know that the baby I will be adopting is worth it.