Complex 15

When my youngest brother was a baby he had terrible eczema it was thick and crusty and all over his legs. The doctor prescribed hydrocortizone cream, but the dear pharmacist at Lambert Pharmacy in Whittier, CA wouldn't fill the script. Why? because he felt that this lotion worked better. Ever since that day, our family has used this on any skin ailment that wasn't a zit. Seiously Mr. Portocolos had Windex, and we have Complex 15. And it really works. It makes skin soft. It heals rashy red skin, and it is a fantastic moisturizer for the face. My mom uses it every day.

So, if your baby needs a skin cream give this a try! You can order it from Drugstore.com or... your pharmacy, but you have to make them look it up in their product book and order the 8oz lotion not the cream.

http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=16833&catid=151&brand=8694&trx=PLST-0-BRAND&trxp1=151&trxp2=16833&trxp3=1&trxp4=0&btrx=BUY-PLST-0-BRAND

HOT...HOT...HOT

So on Monday it was 98. Wednesday it reached 105. Today? 89. THANK GOD!

I was thinking ahead to next summer, and while I really hope we have a little one by then, I KNOW we're going to need to invest in a portable A/C unit for the baby's room. There's just no way the baby would be able to handle the cold cold refridgerator that is our bedroom. We have a window unit, and it's amazing. It has saved us this last week, but the kiddo's room faces south! So...yea.

How do you keep a baby cool? Tips any one?

just a mood update

I'm feeling much better, I think we all go through seasons, short and long during this process, Holly over at "Confessions of a waiting mommy" reminded me of a Psalm that has proven it's strength again and again in my heart. Psalm 13 speaks of this experience. King David is just an awesome author and I'm so glad he wrote his thoughts down for future generations to read. Even if you're not a Christian, the questions he asks in this psalm are universal. I'm thrilled that at the end we get to praise God for dealing generously with us. It's a very comforting promise.

Thanks Holly, for reminding me of God's grace and generostiy.

So not into it...

I peeked over at the Bethany site and discovered that people are taking advantage of the "Video Montage" option. You know, pictures transitioning to Music.

I have to say, I really don't like those slideshow things. Jer did one for me on my 30th which was funny and cute, and I don't mind when people do them for weddings while you wait for the whole thing to get started, but...I'm just not into them. If we were to do a video it would be something different like singing "Good Night Baby" by Big Bad Voo Doo Daddy or something. You know, us, singing, ourselves. Or reading a book or poems or something. I just don't want to make a Kelley and Jer commercial.

I want to make our profile book into a ppt. presentation for easy mailing to other states, but I wasn't going to set it to music, because Our book is relatively short, 15 scrapbook collages and 15 text pages that are reasonably short.

What do you think? Vid or no vid?

Pray for me, I'm a little discouraged. Thanks!

What will it be like?

I was thinking too much the other day and here is my question: Will people always be "careful" with their conversations about children around me? I know what I want; I want to have life go on around us daily without people zeroing in on the fact that my child will be adopted. You know, "There goes Kelley and her Adopted Child." My fear is that people like my boss, who while they mean well, give out too much information. I want our family to be defined by who we are, not how we came to be. Adoption and fostering will be part of our lives, not our life.

Speaking of fostering, Jer and I have been talking about it a little bit, and we'd like to do it after we have our forever child. I'm very concerned about the overall welfare of children and the foster system kind of scares me. But I was talking to a patient who works in the Department of Children and Family Services and she was very positive about how it works in our state. She was very supportive of my ideas on the situation. Which are: I want to do it, I'd like to foster one child at a time and I'd like to make them feel like they are my child until they have to go somewhere else. I would never introduce them as anything other than my "son or daughter" or by their name if they don't want to be called our child (yet). I just feel like I am a mom that is my job, has been since I was a little girl and I've been training for it my entire life, and now I want to do it. I want to do it well. Not perfectly, not that I won't get tired or hurt or make mistakes, but I can make sure that they know they are loved, that they are safe and they have a special place in my heart.

Am I crazy? When I mention Adoption, people say "What a wonderful thing." When I mention foster care, they frown, and say, "That sounds hard." Dude. Are people completely afraid of challenge these days? When I see something that is hard, I want to run into it headfirst and leave a great big Kelley-shaped hole in it; especially if it's the right thing to do. Granted, even I know the look of granite when I see it, but I really don't see children who need caring for as a granite face. My rock/mountain climbing friends would say that even granite can be scaled. Is it merely that we all view life with only our own skill set in mind, with only our own limitations to respond to the desires and ideas of others; or is it really that bad an idea? Why do people try to talk me out of it? No one has ever tried to talk us out of adoption, they do make false assumptions about the process and ask inappropriate questions, but they never tell me I'm crazy. Why would they tell people I'm crazy to want to foster? I think people that run are crazy, but I admire their mettle. I like to swim and do yoga, I like it because it is hard and you get better at it over time; my skill and inclination is different than my husband's. Jer tells me that swimming is difficult for him (arms and legs working together?) and he's never been able to bend into some of the yoga positions I can get into; but we don't try to talk the other out of going out and practicing our preferred exercise. Why would someone try to talk someone else out of something they're called to do? It really is a mystery to me.

What will it be like to be a family? How will it make us metaphysically different? I know how it will change my life practically, but what will this "mother" thing be like? I know I want it, but honestly, I'm afraid of my emotions. I am an extremely emotional person, how will I be able to hang onto myself when I'm faced with my greatest dreams come true. Will it frighten my child to hear his/her mother weep with what I feel is something of a primal desire? Will I fall apart as I fear I will? What will it feel like to hear that Jer and I have been chosen? Not only chosen but that we'll be parents in a measurable amount of time? What if that time is days? How would I process this? What does it feel like to "get" the desire of my heart? When Jer walked into my life it was peaceful. It was just an instant no-brainer. My husband had walked through the door and I was fully accepting of that reality. That is the closest thing I have to actually ever getting exactly what I wanted. And what if it falls through again? I think I might throw up if that happened again. I also might not survive the disappointment. But like everything HARD, I must take the risk of failure and only then will I see the success and amazing gift that is on the other side of that scary risk.

I really hope I've not brought anyone down; I'm just trying to wrap my brain around it. I want the joy and trust the Lord to bring it, and to help me deal with it, but am I SUPER NUTS to be scared of being that happy? I must be. Love to all of you who've received your bundles of blessing, I get through my weeks by seeing the results of God's blessings in your life. It helps me to know that it happens, to see your children grow and how much they love you.

    Dear Lord, Help me to accept blessing when it comes, help me to know how to respond, and help me live in that happiness without fear of losing it.

        AMEN!

 

 

I posted our "New and Improved" Album at my facebook

Go see if you like it!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=284138&id=786055446&l=8db9425661

Profile Problems

It's taken me a couple days to get over this one, along with some constructive criticism about our profile. I have re-done it with a computer collage program that makes it look much more polished, and typed up captions into stories that were previously hand written. A very sweet bmom mentioned that it was hard to read (but that we look cute and funny)she was just viewing it as a sample, and the Bparent counselor asked her opinion on it. Luckily I made the thing to be expandable, so I can send the new pages and the counselors in Portland, Bellingham and Tacoma can just take out the old and put in the new... no time lost and anyone who saw us as a sample will be surprised by the contents of our former cover, hopefully we won't be shoved aside with out being opened, I should make a "New and improved" sticker for the cover too! That would be hilarious, my husband the marketing major would get a kick out of that!

Hey Annie??

Did you mean to lock me out of your blog? If you'd rather keep it private, I will totally understand...but I'll miss little Alexi and you and Art! I've really enjoyed your blog and still enjoy the mommy stories! Please email me and let me know!(I would have emailed, but I can't find your address! :O

Church Today

I was helping my friend Kay teach Sunday School, which was focused on the Breast Plate of Righteousness. And the Story was about Abraham and Sarah and their sadness over being without children. I'm starting to think the Media is behind all of the shock over infertility, the Bible is full of women who were without children for one reason or another! God ended up being their fertility doctor, but still...it seems fertility has always been an issue...Anyway(right Abraham and Sarah)the lesson tugged at heartstrings and I had the urge to cry, but didn't. I was fine.

Talking to people who knew was tough, because I am a "Trooper" I don't want people to see how much I hurt. Not in person, it's too personal (Duh) But I mean that my pain is personal, I don't want to share it with people who mean well but don't understand. I don't want to be placated, or pitied, I want to be understood. I don't really want all that. I appreciate it when you, the women who've been there, or are there or will be there tell me your stories, because they are relevant. People who have never done this may think they can say something that will help, but in reality, nothing really does aside from someone who's experienced it, or is experiencing it. I don't mean to be unkind to people who haven't been here, it's just a difficult thing to try to "Put yourself in the other's shoes" Am I making sense? Or am I just being petulant and playing the martyr?

One person did it well, she hugged me and said, "We're still praying." That's it. Nothing more, and that was enough.

Then the message my friend Stephen gave was partly on having a story to tell about how God got you through _________ time in your life. Well, honestly, all of the prayers of others have really gotten me thorough this waiting thing, even though it isn't over yet. I know that the prayers of my faithful friends will be the thing that gets us through this. It is surely what got us through the last year.

God has given me a journey and I'm not going to quit. Jer and I are picking our selves up and dusting off our pants, and we are continuing on out of this valley and out of this pit of frustration and walking on. Our child is out there, we will meet them soon. I am confident that this is a request that God had said "YES!" to, we just have to arrive at His designated time.

The thing I have come to realize and it's given me great comfort is this: NONE of these children have been meant for me. Saying that they were would imply that God made a mistake, and that would take away from his Sovereignty. I trust that God is in control. And THAT heals me.

Am I sounding cranky?

Almighty Father,
Thank you for meeting me where I hurt, for reminding me that others have hurt the same way I do. For giving me a story to tell of your awesome-ness. For this will be my story of trial, and my Ebeneezer to raise. I have come this far with the help of my God. You have seen me through at least 10 situations that were so tempting and seemed so right, that only you could know that there is something even better waiting for me.
I am so sorry for my sad and bitter feelings over what could have been with the most recent one. Thank you for finding a family for K's baby one that will perfectly fit her situation and needs.

I pray that our time will come in your perfect timing. I'm going to try to get my world in order for when it does happen.

Thank you for being in control of all things. I trust you.
Amen

So, Not our turn yet

Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support. You all are so sweet and awesome!

I've decided to redo our profile, I want to do an online "Shutterfly/snapfish" style book,
What kind of things do you think I should put in it? Should I do some "story" like stuff to go along with the pictures? I have captions in my old profile, but since I tend to be a story teller,would it be a good idea to tell a story about aparticular set of pictures? What do you think? I could make it sort of like a story book about us...Anyone? Anyone?
Kel

No News is Good News??

I just wanted to check in and let y'all know that I haven't heard anything yet. Like most of you know, it can take time. I'm not sure when the actual meeting was today, it could even be going on right now. But, when we're dealing with another office that works differently than the Seattle office does, communication can be a little unpredictable. Becky told me yesterday that she would tell me when there was something to know. Just a report card on My status: I'm secure. I'm doing fine, I'm totally excited to know what's going on, and I'm hopeful that she's in love with us :D.

Dear Lord, thank you for this opportunity to be shown. I pray that K. will be able to make a decision she will never regret. And I pray that that decision is us! We're ready to be chosen! Pick us!
Thank you for all the wonderful people praying for us.
Amen

Are these butterflies or bald eagles in my stomach??

Seriously, my heart is going to have serious issues no matter who K. chooses on Thursday/the end of the week.

I am ready to be blessed, my heart is ready to be excited, and hear good news.

There is a peace in my soul that I can't describe, I know that I will be sad should she not choose us, my heart will again take a hit, one more bruise to add to the collection, of 12 months of waiting. But I don't have this "We deserve this" chip on my shoulder anymore. I don't know where it went, but somewhere along my pilgimage, I've lost my entitlement and gained gratitude.

Thank you Lord for this feeling of excitement, this holding of breath, this possibility of blessings to come. Thank you most of all for the prayer that has been prayed over us; what a gift to have people care.

I pray for K. for her decision, let it be one of those moments of clarity, that she will feel she's done her job to find the "perfect people" to watch over and guide her child. But let it be obvious to her who they are, so that she'll never doubt herself.

It would be so amazing if it could be us, my heart sings in my chest of the possiblities. And I know that Jer is so excited too, he can hardly contain his worry, his hopes and his fears. He doesn't have to, he can tell me anything, but I think he's nervous to talk about what we affectionately term "A No Hitter, or a Perfect Game". I know we're both on the edge of our seat waiting for that 3-2 pitch. We feel like we're in the bottom of the ninth inning Lord. We know our season of waiting might not be over, but this feels like a Big Game.

Please Lord, let us start a new season.

In the name of your Son Jesus Christ, we pray,

AMEN!

Milestones: Ten Years of Marriage, and 100th Post

Today is our 10th wedding anniversary!

There have been more good times than bad times, and more happiness than sadness.

It seems like yesterday we were those two kids on my parent's front porch grinning with the excitement of the day and the expectations of the future.

No matter what this future is, the heartaches it has brought with it, and the joys we've yet to share, there is no one on this earth with whom I'd rather share this life.

He is my constant compainon, encourager, finder of my shoes, love of my life and very best friend.

I love you Jer, thank you for being my husband and father of my future children.

I just got a diamond bracelet for my 10th Anniversary!!! He wins the gift award this year...all I got him was a new Bible and a couple of books! BORING! (he totally wanted them, but still!!!! I suck.)

Independence day!

We had a wonderful holiday. The annual Kirkland 4th of July Parade in the morning and then, Saturday evening we had a BBQ at our house and it was so much fun!

Our pal Nathan loves Chief.

Nathan and Charlotte really wanted to stay

I think very soon they will spend the night with us so that their parents can have a night out!

Me and my gals Christy and Caitlin
(no idea why this uploaded so tiny!)

Lindsey wears these every year! :D

I haven't gotten any new news about K, the pregnant woman in Portland, but I continue to pray that she is well and that her child will be healthy. She's appointed to see the pregnancy counselor in Portland on the 16th which is when the profiles will be presented to her. We will see what happens! I am waiting excitedly with bated breath. It is a long time in advance to know, it makes all of the anticipation more profound. Jer and I were at Target and I sneaked down the Baby Products aisle, and he caught me and said, "Do you need Baby Wash?" with a big teasing grin. I said yes! He said "Put it in the cart then!" and I looked at him and said, "What about lotion?" He is so sweet, "Get the big bottles." he says. So, we now have Baby Magic wash and lotion, we both agreed a long time ago that this is what babies smelled like to us.

I promise to all of you who check the blog daily(the fact that you do check it regularly is an incredible blessing to me and I love you all for it.) that I will post the moment I know something.